All Entries Tagged With: "parody"
Amish Decide To Use Technology Up to 1990’s
Seymour, MO- After years of only using turn of the century technology the Amish community in Seymour, Missouri decided it is time to move into the future. After a council meeting of the Society Elders it was decided that members of the community can use technology up to the mid-90’s. “When we stopped progressing technology […]
Mayor O’Neill Suddenly Re-Signs
Springfield, MO – With a term set to expire in April 2013, and with no intentions of running for a third term, Mayor Jim O’Neill suddenly announced this week that he is planning to re-sign. O’Neill has always put his heart and soul into the position, however, most council members expected him to leave office […]
Crowds Gather Too Close to Battlefield Mall Bomb Scare
Springfield, MO – Crowd gathered uncomfortably close to a bomb investigation this week at the Battlefield Mall, a Simon property. The suspicious device was reported by an astute shopper after seeing a bag on the ground with wires poking out of it. While police determined if armored men or a bomb defusing robot should go […]
Pork ‘n Lines to Replace Rock ‘n Ribs
Springfield, MO – In order to better define what the Rock n’ Ribs visitor experience is officials have renamed the local benefit for the 2013 event to Pork n’ Lines. According to people who went to the event, no ribs were actually served and the lines and lines of people were long enough to be […]
Teachers Evil Masterminds Behind Senior Pranks
Springfield, MO – High school students have one month left until they can no longer blame their laziness on a little thing they like to call ‘Senioritis.’ Instead of studying for final exams, they are highly prone to elaborate on all of the knowledge that was given to them by their teachers throughout the past […]
Earthlings Overlook Earth Day
Springfield, MO – Most people overlooked the Earth Day celebration in the Ozarks however many took specific actions to impact their direct effect on our local ecosystem. Loni Urtangers said, “I thought long and hard while I showered for 2 hours trying to come up with something I could do to better the environment, then […]
Facial Follicle Fashion Competition This Weekend!
Springfield, MO – For those fascinated with facial follicle fashion, get ready to face some serious competition! Competitors from around the Ozarks are gathering at Patton Alley Pub this Saturday to prove that their genetic coding has superior follicle frolicking. Queen City Beards hosts the event and expects several male and female entries this year. […]
Google Hipster Car Driving Around SGF
Springfield, MO – In an attempt to battle against Facebook’s purchase of Instagram, Google is planning to release a new ironic view on life in their online maps program. Google’s new Hipster view is planned to be released in early 2013 but Ozarkers are getting an early glimpse at the newest technology used to capture […]
History Channel to Film “Bat Men” in Ozarks
Springfield, MO- With the success of such blue collar shows such as “Ice Road Truckers”, “Swamp People”, and “Ax Men” The History Channel will begin filming a show featuring bat hunters in the Ozarks. “Bat Men” will bring the fun, danger, and excitement of bat hunting to the average person’s living room. It will boast […]
Surgical Supply Company Uses Ninjas
Springfield, MO – According to the back of a van, Hankins Surgical Supply employs ninjas to deliver surgical supplies. The quiet, quick and efficient distribution network is responsible for putting surgical supplies into surgeon’s hands before they even know they need it. “Long ago, ninjas were in high demand for their fierce fighting style and […]
Sleep…
You get too much and you are groggy…you get too little and you are cranky. Sleeping seems like such a waste of time…most of us sleep 1/3 of our day away. Yet, we have this sort of love-hate relationship with sleep. Likely, we feel pretty good when we lay down and just a few hours […]
