All Entries Tagged With: "parody"
Contagious Disease Night At Hammons Field Announced
Springfield, MO – Springfield Cardinals management announced the newest promotional night to be held next month formerly known as “Contagious Disease” night. It is a promotion that will allow any person with a contagious disease free admission to the stadium. Those who have photographs of themselves with a contagious disease will also be permitted admission. […]
Baptist vs. Buddhist Biker
Springfield, MO- A member of the Buddhist faith was tested yesterday as a gigantic Christian cross was hurled at him while biking near First Baptist Church on South Street. “Ohm….mmmmmmmmmm…O’my GOD!” screamed bicyclist Bud Alstum as he narrowly escaped the clanging carrier of Christian sin when it struck the street behind him. According to witnesses, […]
Flip-book of Approaching Storm Now Available
Springfield, MO – Local meteorologists and news stations have commemorated yesterday’s weather activity with a novelty flip-book now available at any area news station front desk. Tired of settling for convenient digital solutions the Ozarks news crew bonded together to produce a 142-page graphic representation of the approaching storm clouds in a paper medium. “Seriously, […]
Soccer Mom Vows To Find iPhone Stolen from Prius
Springfield, MO – With warmer temperatures causing people to be more out and about, Springfield car break-ins are at an all-time high. But, one Springfield citizen refuses to take the crime spree sitting down. Elizabeth Cleaver, a 39-year-old soccer mom, found her Prius’s window smashed and her iPhone stolen on Wednesday, as well as her […]
Teachers Prepare for Summer Hibernation
Springfield, MO- With the school year rapidly ending, teachers from across the Ozarks are getting ready for their yearly 3 month hibernation. As most teacherologist and general populace know, teachers have no life other than school so when summer vacation comes around they are no longer needed until the next school year. During this time […]
Greene County Health Inspectors Saves Day Again
Springfield, MO- Citizens of the busy metropolis know has Springfield can once again breath easy thanks to the vigilance of Health Inspectors. The group of heroes has been thwarting schemes of various organizations since their founding in 1953. Their first leader, war-hero Rex Kingshot, formed the group after a fallen, radioactive meteor granted him the […]
Centerfold Strip Club Opens “Fishing Pond” For Ultimate Man Experience
Springfield, MO- With Centerfold Strip Club already offering steak, suds, and strippers, the business recently added one more manly endeavor to the mix: fishing. A domed complex was added behind the main dance floor so patrons can calming fish while watching fine ladies dance to their pleasure. “We are going to offer numerous packages,” states […]
Rush Limbaugh Bust Put Under Surveillance
Jefferson City (MO) – The House of Representatives has spent $1,100 on a security camera installed specifically to monitor a bust of conservative radio show host Rush Limbaugh to honor those who choose to vandalize it. Chief Clerk Adam Crumbliss asked that the camera be installed because of concerns that the bust would be vandalized, […]
Success of Hearing Museum on C-Street Spawns New Sensory Museums
Springfield, MO – Tucked away on E. Commercial Street for years, the History of Hearing Museum has been a go to place for aural enthusiasts, from those with hearing-aids to music audio-philes. The gallery contains a treasure trove of hearing technology from by-gone eras. While some may be confused by its name, the History of […]
“You’re Gonna Like The Way I Cook” – Men’s Wearhouse Guy
Springfield, MO – Several diners around town identified the Men’s Wearhouse Guy having dinner around town this week, trying to impress people with his various ways of saying “You’re gonna like the way I…” to many people. “I was eating dinner at Metro and this grey-bearded man walked up to me and said ‘You’re gonna […]
Fugitive Ruins Recess for Hundreds of Nixa Students
Nixa, MO – Earlier this week, known and wanted fugitive, Matthew Allen was spotted strolling in Nixa, forcing 3 local schools to be placed on lock-down preventing afternoon recess to take place. Students at Mathews Elementary, Espy Elementary and Nixa High School were upset and confused by the decision. “I was s’pose to swing with […]
Gritty Archie Remake to be Filmed at Local High School
Springfield, MO- Some lucky Springfield High School students may be able to get their 10 minutes of fame thanks to Paramount Studio’s Archie reboot which is being filmed in the Ozarks. The shooting of the movie, which will take place in late May, will bring big stars to the area such as James Garfield, Diana […]
Table Rock Lake Summer Movie Series Announced
Branson, MO – The Army Corp. of Engineers announced that it will show movies against the face of Table Rock Mountain for the pleasure of boaters, fishermen, and general water enthusiasts this summer. The TRL Summer Movie Series opens next weekend and will feature The Rock starring Sean Connery and Nicolas Cage. “We have a […]
