All Entries Tagged With: "parody"
Characters Invade SLT Big Party
Springfield, MO – Springfield Little Theater is anticipating a horde of fairy tale characters at the Big Party event Saturday night. “We had the idea for a costume party but somewhere along the way we opened some sort of book portal…it is really, really strange. I saw Mufasa walking the stage earlier today – fo […]
City Tangles with the Wrong Clown!
Springfield, MO – City efforts to thwart a sign-posting clown in southwest Springfield have heighted. According to sources, the citizen-clown has taken measures to protect his property from prying government inspectors. “We have reason to believe that the property in question has been equipped with tripwires that release laughing gas, confetti-stuffed landmines and flying attack […]
Barney…
Child number three and Barney, much to my chagrin, is still around. His programming may have been discontinued but he still lingers in the form of these ghastly videos. Somehow, this goofy, purple, dinosaur-looking bastard transcends time and makes a mockery out of the pain and disappointment that is the real world. For Barney and […]
Jay Nixon Totally Inaugurated All Day
Jefferson City, MO – According to sources, Governor Jay Nixon was totally inaugurated today on the Capitol lawn in front of scores of attendees. The ceremonial initiation was pronounced to be “bitchin’” and “gnarly” by supports in the crowd. The day was full of swearing, as Lt. Gov Peter Kinder, Sec. of State Jason Kandor, […]
That Guy From Coldplay Becomes Interim Head Baseball Coach for SBU
BOLIVAR, MO – Word has recently come out that Chris Martin is Southwest Baptist University’s head baseball coach–as in the lead singer for Coldplay. Coldplay, the popular British alt-rock band is on a temporary hiatus, in spite of their continued success, so that Martin can coach at the Bolivar college. “Coldplay will be reluctantly taking […]
Local Man Launches New Asocial Network
SPRINGFIELD, MO – Anti-Zuckerbergians across the world may find a new hero here in the good old Ozarks in well-known local entrepreneur Willie Czonka. Czonka announced recently the launching of a new asocial networking site aptly named InYourFacebook, which promises a creative outlet for curmudgeons, cuckolds, catamounts, cranks and crackpots. “Many of us are thoroughly […]
Snoopy House Discovered in Springfield
Springfield, MO – Peanuts fans will instantly recognize a familiar dwelling at the corner of National and Sunshine Street – all they need to do is look in the Northeastern corner of the intersection to find a dog house for one famous white and black dog. Now that the word is out, Springfield is attracting […]
Drowsy Driver Checkpoints This Week
Springfield, MO – In response to the increasing number of drowsy drivers in the Ozarks, checkpoints will be set up this week at undisclosed locations around town by the Springfield Police Department. Drowsy driving, while much less known that drunken driving is equally as dangerous. The Centers for Disease Control & Prevention reports 15-33 percent […]
Mom and Pop Sex Shops Driven out of Business By Evil Corporations
Springfield, MO- The main street of yesteryear faced a huge blow yesterday when yet another mom and pop shop went out of business. The “Paradise” sex shop, which has been apart of the Appleton family for generations, was brought out by the faceless entity known as “Romantixxx”. “This is a real shame,” says great-grandma Marlene […]
Resolutionist Resolves to Relax
Springfield, MO – Ralph Robbermerg has claimed a new resolution – to become a Relaxation Resolutionist. Maxing the most of his life, Robbermerg has committed to reading fiction, playing video games and hanging around a pool whenever possible. “Listen, I’ve worked for most of my life and all I really have at the end of […]
50 Shades of Santa Guy Seeks New Location
Springfield, MO – For weeks, a Santa Claus clad figure was seen on Glenstone promoting a local business while indulging in an erotic novel. Now that the holidays are over, local Santa/poster guy, Curtis Yipraw is looking for another public outlet to read his tasty novel. “It truly was exciting reading about Anastasia and Christian’s […]
The Dentist – Motivational Speaker
Let’s face it (no pun intended), The Dentist, while probably a decent human being, SUCKS!! Nobody, and I mean Nobody, likes to go to The Dentist. All the horror of humanity is ingested and, at times, spewed out of this ghastly ring we call our mouth and there is only one that truly knows what […]
Hammons, Pitt & Morris Combine to Defeat Mayan Apocalypse, World Celebrates
Springfield, MO – After months of secret collaborative efforts three native Springfield businessmen have successfully thwarted the impending doom predicted by final days of the Mayan Calendar. John Q. Hammons, Brad Pitt and Johnny Morris appeared disheveled and bruised early this morning but beamed proudly at their world-saving accomplishment. According to reports, the men played […]
5 Guys Burgers Seriously Considering Hiring 6th Guy
Springfield, MO- With the opening of “5 Guys Burgers” in the Battlefield Mall many Springfield patrons are flocking to the new eating establishment which is causing stress to the only 5 employees. “I don’t know what we were thinking,” said Joseph “Guy 3” Barton while he simultaneously took 3 orders and bused 2 tables. “We […]
