All Entries Tagged With: "parody"
Whimsical Snownado Warning Pleasantly Issued
Springfield, MO – Following strange weather reports, the National Weather Service has issued a Snownado warning for Southwestern Missouri until 5:45 pm. At 6:30 am, trained weather spotters reported a wonderfully white funnel 7 miles west of Battlefield or near Springfield. A snownado may develop at any time and shower the area with little fluffy […]
Michelle to Record ‘Lady Obama’ on SGF Visit
Springfield, MO – First Lady Michelle Obama will take time today to record her healthy version of a Beatles song, “Lady Obama” at famed Springfield recording house, The Studio. She will sing back up on the track and play the Hammond organ. Special leaked lyrics were provided and will be sung by lead vocalist Kristi […]
First Lady Sucked Into Local Politics
Springfield, MO – Walmart confirmed their latest strategy to approve the new Neighborhood Market by enlisting First Lady Michelle Obama on her visit Springfield to meet with Mayor Stephens (who is visiting Washington D.C.). A White House spokesman stated, “The First Lady personally wants to inspect the location in question to see what the federal government […]
Mike McMichaelson Inspirational Speaker
Valentine’s Day… Awkward! Nobody knows what exactly to do with this holiday. While it does bridge the gap between Christmas and Easter, it really adds no significance to society. As a matter of fact, I would say it is just the opposite. For some, Valentine’s Day is a time to spend with the one you […]
Ark of Healthcare Found at Mercy!
Springfield, MO – Professor Illinois Jones made a significant historical find this week by discovering the Ark of Healthcare, a biblical relic that was long thought to be lost to the annals of time. Too holy to be placed on the ground or touched by one less than elite, one of the Bible’s holiest relics […]
Woman Blows Pants Off at Chili Cook-Off
Springfield, MO – Hundreds of eyewitnesses gave firsthand accounts of a woman who had flatuleted her own pants away at the 32nd Sertoma Chili Cook-Off. Spectators suggest she consumed too much chili for her own good very early in the day and all the beans caught up to her in the end. “I….I was standing […]
Man Celebrates Everything V, but not Valentine’s Day
Springfield, MO – Local single man Richard Dickens attempted to block out the recent love-fest holiday, commonly known as Valentine’s Day, by celebrating everything “V” that he could imagine. His day started early and ended late, and he surprised himself with resourcefulness and creativity. “I just had the most fantastic day ever. That must be […]
Climate Change Nerds Ruin Seasonally Warm Weather
Springfield, MO- While most Springfield residents were pleasantly surprised by the warm weather yesterday, a bunch of egg-head losers actually complained about the 70 degree temperatures. The know-it -all nerds told various residents that even though the warm days are nice now, climate change will have dire consequences in the future. “While you all are […]
Insensitive Wife Totally Forgets Super Bowl
Nixa, MO- Local wife and mother Lily Harslow is in the doghouse today because she forgot the most important day in a man’s year: Super Bowl Sunday. Even though Mrs. Harslow apologized profusely, she knows that it will take a while before her husband’s heart will heal. “I knew it was sometime in February,” states […]
Romantic People of Walmart in SGF
SPRINGFIELD (MO) – Many Springfield residents met last week to discuss the pros and cons of building a new Walmart store in the downtown area. After more than an hour of impassioned pleas from the gallery, the Springfield Zoning and Planning Commission recommended approval for a Walmart Neighborhood Market near the intersection of Campbell and […]
Start-Button Black Hole Discovered In Parking Lot
Springfield, MO – Hundreds of start-button automobile owners are falling victim to the electronic black hole situated miles beneath the parking lot at James River Town Center, a shopping destination on East Independence Street. “We pulled in, parked and shopped at Kohl’s for about 40 minutes. When we came out our new car wouldn’t start. […]
Cattle Heads Stolen From Farm
Marionville, MO – According to a grotesque trail of bovine blood, nearly thirty cattle were decapitated and left for dead in Lawrence County. The heads were completely removed and relocated to another place, far away from their previous location…atop their shoulders. The Lawrence County Sheriff confirmed that 27 head of cattle were stolen from a […]
