All Entries Tagged With: "Ozarks"
Wonders of Wildlife Spook-quarium and Costume Shop Opens
Springfield, MO—This Fall a traveling costume shop will occupy the American National Fish and Wildlife Museum providing costumes to Halloween participants and converting part of the museum to a haunted house attraction, or “Spook-quarium”. In order to pay down the $52 million bond used to build the facility, officials at Wonders of Wildlife Museum and […]
Ozarks Emperor Very Much Pleased with His Fair
Springfield, MO- Grand Emperor of the Ozarks, Jo Bob Billius, was very much pleased with the glorious fair placed in his honor. Jo Bob traveled down from his majestic mountain fortress of Moon-Shan’gri-La and was greeted by his numerous subjects. Riding a “mule” (a mythical and wondrous beast combining a donkey and a horse) the […]
Giant Hanging “L” Seen Over Skies
Springfield, MO—Residents were panicked to see a giant floating letter in the sky this past weekend. A large capital “L” was reportedly seen with occasionally triangle shaped unidentified objects. “I saw the UFOs coming over the sky and I was just certain that aliens were coming back to claim their planet Earth they abandoned 5000 […]
Sam’s Club Fans Camp Out Before Opening
Springfield, MO—Opening weekend for the latest “Sam’s Club” sequel has become the Ozarks’ biggest ever grocery box office smash by earning $79 million, a publicist for the grocery chain said today. Nearly two weeks before the opening of the membership-only retail warehouse clubs, campers armed with tents, couches and video games turned the pavement at […]
Lazers focused on Kournikova’s Wrist Action
Springfield, MO—The Springfield Lasers have forced the hand of Anna Kournikova (Анна Ку́рникова) as she has agreed to add a pre-match autograph session for all ages during Friday’s World Team Tennis match at Cooper Tennis Complex at an undisclosed location. Lasers spokesman Bob Nelson confirmed team officials couldn’t say when or where the session would […]
Gator Added To Ozarks’ Monster List
Harrison, AR—MonsterQuest plans to investigate an alligator sighting in the Ozarks’ Lake Harrison. Ever since word spread of the alligator sightings in the lake and a nearby creek, locals have been on the lookout for the elusive creature. “Yeah, I think I’d rather deal with Paul the Nixa Hellhound than an alligator monster in our […]
Dingy Bigger Than Entire Boat
Classic boats were on display at this weekend at Table Rock Lake as important pieces of history. In fact, many boat lovers hit the lake this weekend to mock the 2009 Classics Cruisin’ weekend attendees. Before the festivities took place a christening occurred of The Flying Wasp. The captain of the boat said, “I’ve got […]
Bass Pro Shops Unveils New Marketing Effort
Springfield, MO — Slashing marketing budgets is nothing new, especially in this economy, but in the face of such challenges Bass Pro Shops has decided to take a completely new approach to advertising. “We’ve done all sort of advertising over the years,” said Butch Gitcha, Director of Marketing for Bass Pros Shops, “print, TV, direct […]
Large, Inflatable Gorillas Hit Hard By Ozark Car Dealers Closing
Ozark, MO—The recession has found itself yet another victim. Due to car dealerships closing all over the Ozarks, large inflatable gorillas have found themselves out of work with no means of supporting their large inflatable families. “Mojo sad,” said Mojo, a large inflatable gorilla, after seeing his large inflatable pink slip. Mojo has a similar […]
Farmers Black Markets Corrupt Springfield Commerce
Springfield—Economic pressures continue to create new markets in the Ozarks for goods and services not easily acquired. Recently, crowds of shoppers are rumored to be attending farmers black markets popping up around the city. These dens of phantom trades promote sellers ready to move illegal goods. Amish who peddle copyrighted digital materials, local farmers with […]
Pirates Captured at Bearded Clam
Kimberling City, MO—Seven Somali pirates were captured yesterday by Dutch naval forces, who also freed 80 captive audience members of the Showboat Branson Belle, Missouri Water Patrol officials say. The Dutch forces followed the pirates, who had launched a successful attack on the Showboat Branson Belle, as they docked at the popular Table Rock Lake […]
Pirate Site Sues Pirates
The Pirate Bay is suing the Somali pirates who moved to the Ozarks, hijacked the Showboat Branson Belle, and claimed former party cove as Pirate Cove. The Pirate Bay is suing the Somali pirates claiming copyright infringement. The Pirate Bay is a Swedish website that indexes and tracks BitTorrent (.torrent) files. It bills itself as […]
