All Entries Tagged With: "mo"
Springfield Road Work Everywhere
Springfield, MO—Roadwork across the Ozarks has caused delays at every turn as money is poured into highways, interchanges, traffic signals, lane widening, resurfacing, and pavement sealing. Currently route 60/65 is undergoing replacement of bridges, construction of new bridges and two “flyover” ramps. I-44/Glenstone Avenue is undergoing bridge replacement, ramps rebuilding, and insertion of added traffic […]
Elderly and Jobless to Vote Today
Springfield, MO—Ozarkers will take to the polls today; the jobless and elderly will likely constitute the majority of those voting as most people in this area don’t bother themselves with such trivial issues. Voters in Springfield will be asked to approve the mistakes of the City of Springfield on the Fire and Police Fund or […]
Nixa Hellhound Tracked to Camp Winoka
Springfield, MO—Paul the Nixa Hellhound has been seen bathing in the springs at Winoka Lodge, better known as Camp Winoka. The camp has been closed after rumors spread that several girl scouts were brutally murdered, however, conspiracy theorists claim the story was fabricated to protect the Nixa Hellhound habitat after it claimed the area as […]
Albino Farm to Open Tanning Salon
Springfield, MO—Legendary spook site, the Albino Farm at Springlawn Farm, has a brand new surprise for the area, a tanning salon. Albi-No-More is set to open this Saturday, the 31st. The so-called Albino Farm has for years been notorious in legend for being haunted, by either an albino ghost caretaker, or an albino ghost family, […]
Vampire Underground Holds Open House
Springfield, MO—The Ozarks very own Vampire Underground will be holding an open house this Halloween week welcoming community members, vampire queens and other “humans” who might need an “awakening”. The meeting will be held at Hell’s Church in Springfield’s subterranean Jordan Creek Tunnel that runs under downtown. Vampire Underground members David, Paul, Marko, and Dwayne […]
Train Wreck Politician Sells Out
Point Lookout, MO—All available Sarah Palin tickets have been snapped up by local Ozarkers, curious to see the woman who dashed Republican hopes of another run in the White House during the 2008 Presidential election. Governor Palin is scheduled to address a crowd at College of the Ozarks December 2, as a featured speaker in […]
Doctor Collects Lightning for Experiments at Shrine Mosque
Springfield, MO—Local physician Dr. Fran Kenstine has located his new practice in the basement of the Shrine Mosque and has yet to announce formal office hours or accept any patients. In fact, no one has been seen coming or going from the clinic since it opened earlier this month. “I think he must be working […]
Abercrombie & Fitch Markets Reality In the Ozarks
Springfield, MO—After numerous years of scantily dressing store models, clothing retailer Abercrombie & Fitch is taking a new approach to merchandising with a dose of reality. This fall, the Battlefield Mall location will be one of a handful of selected stores to participate in a pilot promotion program to fully dress each reality model within […]
Line of Disappointed Public Transit Seekers at Trolley’s
Springfield, MO—Occasionally long lines of commuters seeking a ride through the city will form outside Trolley’s, a popular downtown Springfield restaurant. Last weekend more than 35 people assembled waiting to purchase a seat on Springfield’s Trolley. “The sign says ‘Trolley’s’ so there better be a dang ol’ electric powered car to haul my butt around,” […]
Cider Days’ Scarecrow Village Fight Over Brain
Springfield, MO—Cider Days marks the beginning of fall for most people living within the city limits. This weekend several thousand people will fill Walnut Street and greet the changing season with a cup of apple cider while taking in the arts and crafts native to the Ozarks area. Seldom few will notice the struggle for […]
