All Entries Tagged With: "lol"
Cider Days Enjoys Beautiful Weather; Artsfest Cursed
Springfield, MO—The Cider Days Festival enjoyed beautiful weather much to the dismay of Artsfest organizers this past weekend. Artsfest, which usually occurs on a rainy weekend has longed for a weekend such as this for their event to bask in. “I’m happy for Cider Days,” said an Artsfest committee member though clenched teeth. “I just […]
Snuggies Allowed in R-12 Classrooms
Springfield MO - In an effort to reduce energy costs in the Springfield public schools, all teachers will be wearing the popular “Snuggie” in the classroom. “We recently sent out a memorandum stating that due to high energy consumption, personal space heaters, coffee makers, refrigerators, popcorn makers, and microwave ovens will no longer be allowed […]
Bed Bugs Bite; MSU Tuck-Ins Awesome
Springfield, MO—Missouri State University is addressing a growing pest concern by offering a “tuck-in” service for all students who are fighting with bed bugs. According to sources, a residence advisor will visit dorm rooms that are reporting pest problems, tuck each student into bed and recite the phrase, “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs […]
Eckersley To Live In Van By The River If Elected
Springfield MO.- Seventh congressional candidate Scott Eckersley has vowed not only to take a pay cut if elected, but to cut other expenses by living in his camper van by the Potomac River in Washington D.C.. “I recently came out and said I would take a lower salary from the $174,000.00 representatives make down to […]
Billy Long Cardboard Cutout Agrees to Debate
Springfield MO - After weeks of negotiations between the seventh congressional candidates, Billy Long has agreed to a question and answer session between himself and his democratic opponent Scott Eckersly. The date for the event is scheduled for November 1st, one day before the election. According to the terms of the debate, sources have indicated […]
Wheelchair-Chasing-Pedestrian Crossing Unveiled
Springfield, MO—A new street crossing has been added to the thoroughfares of town, a place where wheelchair bound people can run down pedestrians in order to cross the road. Several disabled people claim the new sign as a huge success. “I love it. I get to mow people down in my ride if they are […]
September Horoscopes
Fair City News is proud to present monthly horoscopes to help readers navigate life’s hills and valleys. Working of herbal remedies – Musli Kaunch cialis side effects Shakti capsules with plain water or milk for the best results. It’s important to explore all possible solutions with your medical team to be sure that you are […]
Drury Bike Program Rolls On
Springfield MO-Students at Drury University in Springfield will now have a choice to help the environment by using a bike around campus. The bikes are part of the students’ sustainability tuition fee. This fee was approved by students years ago and must be used for the helping the environment as well as being a benefit […]
SGF Rents Giant Shop Vac To Remove Water
Springfield, MO—After presenting two forms of identification and laying down a $50 deposit, The City of Springfield has rented a giant shop vac to remove rainwater from roads, bridges and basements. The 6000-gal. 2,300HP shop vac was deemed necessary following heavy rainfall on Wednesday, when 6 to 10.5 inches of rain covered the city causing […]
Outlaw Gang Tracked to Sherwood Forrest
Springfield, MO—Greene County Sheriff’s deputies have tracked an outlaw gang to a Southside neighborhood in Greene County known as Sherwood Forrest located off highway 160 or Campbell Avenue. According to reports, the gang is responsible for multiple thefts across the city, numerous acts of mischief and several drive by arrow shootings. Local resident Gloria Shiffold […]
The Fair…
Although I dread going, every year I find myself there…the fair. It is not a pleasant experience but yet somehow thousands of people flock to this virtual hell hole every year. They bring their friends, their neighbors, their livestock, their neighbors livestock and pretty much anyone who will come. The fair somehow supersedes reality by […]
Springfield Library Features Burning Books Display
Springfield, MO—The Springfield-Greene County Library District will unveil new burning books displays this week at its six campuses. A prominent endcap will be constructed in each location that will house several books set on fire in an attempt to educate the public on past book burnings. The burning of books has a long history as […]
Several Men Arrested for Cougar Poaching
Springfield, MO—This past weekend, Battlefield Mall security apprehended at least eight suspects for cougar hunting out of season. Every year, on the first of August, the cougars tend to migrate back to retailers in an attempt to find good deals on clothing for their young. Known for their ferocious attitude, raw sex appeal and sixth […]
Springfield City Council Approves Calumet City Loan
Springfield MO- With some reservations about the plan, Springfield city council voted unanimously for a loan for the redevelopment plan for Calumet City, an abandoned Hot Dog Stand located in downtown Springfield behind the main post office. The developer, Ken McCow has already received a $3 million dollar loan from the Missouri Development Board as […]
Businessman Offers to Not Develop Heer’s Building for Fifty Dollars
Springfield, MO—Local maverick businessman, Sonny Pomade, showed up at Monday night’s Springfield City Council meeting and offered to not develop the controversial Heer’s Building for a mere fifty dollars. “I just felt it was my duty to take the burden of not moving forward with the renovation on my own shoulders,” Pomade commented, as he […]
