All Entries Tagged With: "lol"
Local Man Tries Too Hard on April Fools’ Day
Springfield, MO—Larry Hardy has successfully irritated everyone he came in contact with this first day of April by hoaxing, joking and generally displaying poor taste. His hijinks included a myriad of lies, outrageous claims and semi-serious statements to evoke a small bit of laughter to sooth his self-righteous sense of comedy. “I saw Larry […]
Hologram Charlie Spoonhour to Coach Bears
Springfield, MO—Missouri State University Men’s Basketball team has a new leader on the court after the athletic department announced that they would be relying on a hologram of Charlie Spoonhour to coach the team. “It makes a lot of sense for us to bring back Coach Spoonhour, albeit as a digital projection of his […]
Mother Nature Gives Cardinals Out
Springfield, MO—The St. Louis Cardinals canceled their exhibition game against Double-A Springfield set for Tuesday night at Hammons Field, citing an ominous possible defeat at the hands of the underling team. Tuesday’s match was set for 7:07 p.m. and officials expected to draw a sold-out crowd of more than 9,000 before the “big” Cards […]
Naked Billboard Arouses Bachelor’s Interest
Springfield, MO – In the school’s latest effort to drive undergraduate enrollment, Ozarks Technical College launched a new outdoor ad campaign that’s exposing Springfield to the desirability of higher education. Featuring a female co-ed whose lady bumps are obscured only by the thin shield of her laptop, the billboards have been turning heads and dropping […]
Hot Wheels Sponsors Flyover Ramp at 60/65 Interchange
Springfield, MO—Hot Wheels, a Mattel brand, will sponsor the grand opening of the flyover ramp this weekend at the Highway 60/65 interchange. The sponsorship is part of an effort to add a sweet gravity performance loop and jump section to the highway for local residents to enjoy. “The people at Hot Wheels were gracious […]
METH HEADS RALLY AGAINST COCAINE DEALERS
Springfield MO.- The recent arrest of area cocaine dealers has gain support from an unlikely source. Nick Wethead, president of the Ozarks Meth Men has proposed that profiling be encouraged to rid the town of anyone that has the possibility of using cocaine instead of locally produced meth. “There is meth to our madness.”, […]
Meat Clothier Moves to Ozarks
Springfield, MO – Franc Fernandez, creator of Lady Gaga’s infamous “meat dress” was seen in downtown Springfield last week looking for studio space. According to sources close to the designer, Fernandez is looking to create more meat and animal inspired designs and therefore moving to the Midwest close to farmlands is a natural progression […]
James River Breaks Up With America
Springfield, MO—James River Assembly has bid adieu to America for the time being. Due to an upcoming summer of unknowing circumstances, JRA has decided to break up with America. Says a source, “We will always love America but we can no longer continue to date.” James River Assembly and I Love America had been […]
Kyle Weems To Run For Mayor
Springfield MO – Kyle Weems was late getting to the press conference to discuss the Missouri State’s basketball involvement in the NIT postseason tournament. He was seen shaking hands with fans, hugging old ladies and kissing babies. When he finally took his seat he had the following comments. “Look I am glad as the next […]
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March Horoscopes
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Bears Snubbed from NCAA, NIT and 2012 MVC Tourney
Springfield, MO—Fans of Missouri State University basketball were dealt a crushing blow yesterday with the early announcement that their men’s team would not be extended an invitation to the NCAA, the NIT, nor next year’s Missouri Valley Conference Tournament. “We’re hoping to crush any existing hope in southwest Missouri right now,” said NCAA administering […]
Half-Man, Half-Segway Patrols Battlefield Mall
Springfield, MO- The Battlefield Mall has a new unsung protector to keep the shopping center free from crime. Officer Max Thurgood, otherwise known as Sego-Cop, can be seen wheeling in justice at a relaxed-to-somewhat-moderate pace. The two-wheeled avenger has stopped numerous crimes such as loitering, littering, and looking like you are up-to-no-good. ‘It started when […]
