All Entries Tagged With: "local"
Johnny Morris Made Mayor Of Springfield
Springfield, MO- With the news breaking of Johnny Morris, founder of Bass Pro, making the Forbes 400 list of richest people in the nation, Springfield has just decided to make him mayor of the city. “If he could turn a bait-and-tackle shop to a multimillion dollar corporation, what will he be able to do with […]
MSU Freshman Becomes 100% Adult in One Month
Springfield, MO – Only one month after leaving her home for MSU to pursue her bachelor’s degree, Becky Wolf has reached total and complete adulthood. Becky, a Communications Major, who just recently enjoyed wild high school parties, immature boys, and frivolous pop culture fads, is now focused on securing a stable future. “This did happen […]
Ozark Homes Now Feature Dream “Meth Lab”
Springfield, MO- After a meth lab was discovered during a rental house visit, many Springfield contractors are hatching schemes to pursue the much sought after “high class meth dealer and connoisseur” clientele. Even though the renters, the agent, and owners of the house were mortified to find a meth lab under their stairs in the […]
Silver Dollar City Ready to Move Forward Through Time to 30′s
Branson, MO – With the extra money made thanks to “Outlaw Run” SDC can finally move into the late 1900′s. “We are so excited, we have been stuck in the 1800s forever,” said SDC worker Harry Marshall, “We all cheered when the grand exposition moved us up to 1901, but now we have enough to […]
Springfield to Build Own Coaster After Hearing About Branson’s Economic Boost
Springfield, MO- After learning about the estimated 8.5 million dollars that Silver Dollar’s City’s new roller coast gave to the Branson area, Springfield is bound and determined to create own coaster. “That thing brought in nearly 100,000 visitors,” said Springfield spokesman Ralph Saunders. “And it was just made out of wood. Can you imagine how […]
Willard Schools Give Laptops to All Students; Next Goal – Robo-Teacher
Willard, MO- With Willard’s “Every Kid Connected” initiative every student will receive an internet connected device (either laptop or tablet), but Willard will not stop there: Robo-Teachers will be the final goal. “We are all about technology here at Willard,” said Ian Giga-hurts, the Grand Tech Master of Willard, upon his metal spider-shaped throne, “Every […]
Urban Chickens Linked to Gang Violence
Nixa, MO – City officials are weighing a prickly bill that would allow urban chickens within the city limits, giving citizens easy access to fresh eggs, however, opponents are pointing to an increase in gang activity after The Springfield City Council approved an ordinance allowing urban chicken possession inside city limits after a 5-4 vote […]
Real Estate Boom in Greene Co. Jail
Springfield, MO – Most jails are not a place where room and board are sought after, however, the Greene County Jail is so overcrowded that a black market has developed within the jail house: crime lords are selling the space at a premium. Want a personal cell…expect to pay over $2,000/month for a one room, […]
Samurai Sword Assault Prompts Debate Over Samurai Sword Control
Springfield, MO- After the samurai sword assault that occurred on Wednesday (where a man attacked his friend after catching him in bed with his girlfriend) law makers are scrambling to create laws that will facilitate stricter regulations on the deadly blade. “This is serious,” says state senator Larry Forks. “Samurai sword violence has escalated 100% […]
Email Hackers Snatch Spamalot! Tickets
Springfield, MO – Ticket sales have improved thanks to dozens of email hacking groups purchasing large blocks of seats to the Springfield Little Theatre’s production of Spamalot!, opening this week. The show, a musical comedy “lovingly ripped off from” the 1975 film Monty Python and the Holy Grail, is a highly irreverent parody of the […]
Springfield History Museum Sign Wins Subtle Award
Springfield, MO- With the lighting of the Springfield History Museum sign last week, many Springfieldians are excited about the prospect of a new and exciting historical experience in the heart of Springfield. Not only did the sign excite the general public, but the National Subtlety Association. The NSA (the one that give awards to nuanced […]
Sink Hole Produces Giant Potato
Springfield, MO – A massive potato was uncovered from a sink hole near the intersection of Cox and Walnut Lawn on Tuesday. The unusual find was confirmed by City workers who had been securing the area since Monday. The potato reportedly near 6 tons and could produce 1.4 million French fries. Neighbors were shocked to […]
Mail-Order Bride Expo
Springfield, MO – This weekend saw a Mail-Order Bride section added to the popular event held at the Springfield Exposition Center on Saint Louis Street. Admission was $5.00 but purchasing a wife was much more expensive. “We’ve always wanted to enhance our bridal experience and this year we added several new bridal gowns, floral arrangements […]
