All Entries Tagged With: "local"
“Huge Asteroid No Threat to Earth” Laughs, Running and Screaming Astronomers
Springfield, MO – Local astronomers are claiming that the large asteroid flying in nearly the same orbit as Earth will make a close pass by the planet, but there’s no chance of an impact. Several astronomers at Baker Observatory, Ozarks Amateur Astronomers Club (OAAC) confirmed that claim while packing several cases of survival food packages […]
Monkey Appears at Hammons Tower
Springfield, MO – A fashionable dressed monkey appeared inside the Hammons Tower this week, just days after causing a stir at a Toronto Ikea store. The primate was seen completing law agreements and managing teller responsibilities within the massive building. “I went inside to use the Empire ATM and this monkey took my ATM card […]
Downtown Proselytizers Give In to Sin
Springfield (MO) — The infamous proselytizers, who typically protest sin on the corner of Walnut Street and South Avenue, finally gave in. The gentlemen, who had spent every weekend of the past several years proselytizing with impressive consistency to Springfield’s downtown patrons, put down their signs, sighed, and walked right into The Boogie last Saturday. […]
Shades of Grey’s Anatomy: Skaggs Takes Cox
Branson, MO – In a predetermined course of events, Skaggs will take Cox even deeper. Cox entered Skaggs this past summer giving birth to a new family member in Branson. Next month, Skaggs will officially become Cox and light snickering will ensue. While this isn’t the first time Skaggs and Cox have been connected, this […]
Downtown Fundamentalists Take Lessons from “Cash for Gold”
Springfield, MO – On an average weekend night in downtown Springfield, you might see different groups of people from over-dressed college kids, gigging musicians, street performers, the guy with the telescope, to many of the “square rats” with their skateboards, shouting, and/or hand drums. But the one constant to any weekend night downtown are the […]
Local Man Selects PowerBall, Square & Triangle
Springfield, MO – In an astronomical anomaly, Henry Tipton has correctly selected not only the winning PowerBall numbers but the trans-dimensional lotteries PowerSquare and PowerTriangle. The odds of Tipton even discovering the extra dimensions are overshadowed by his ability to locate and correctly select the winning combinations of three lotteries. “I guess I happened across […]
Kaleidoscope Offers Mercy Discounts
Springfield, MO – Local curious shop, piercing and tattoo studio, Kaleidoscope, announced plans to offer Mercy Hospital patients up to half off any product or service in the store. Located only a stone’s throw away from the medical campus, hospital patients need only walk a few paces to take advantage of the groovy discounts. “My […]
Chase to Offer Instant Debt Cards
Springfield, MO – Chase customers who lose their plastic cards or who have an open account will soon be able to get debt instantly at about 2,000 of the bank’s branches, with a focus on Springfield, Nixa and Ozark markets by year end. Typically, it takes several years to acquire significant debt, Chase said, we’re […]
Som-Bitch Soldier Decorations Now Available
Springfield, MO – Som-bitches around the Ozarks can now express their holiday spirit by placing an oversized, blown-up, redneck soldier in their yards. The crop-top wearin’, belly-showing, mustached inflatable is complete with hunting cap and beer can in the left hand. According to the manufacturer Hey Y’all Watch This, consumer demand for a more culturally […]
4-Year-Old Boy Shows No Progress from No Shave November, 4th Year in a Row
November is not just a time for people to give thanks, but it is also a time for males to prove their ability to grow facial hair. However, for a young 4-year-old Springfield boy, that is hardly the case. Since he was born, Aaron Larson has made sure that he isn’t the only male […]
Wonder Bread Maker Folds Amidst Cultural Diversity
Springfield, MO –Across the country, thousands of bakers are losing their jobs producing Wonder Bread, Twinkies and Ho Hos at a point in time that collides with a diversified culture and increased awareness towards healthy lifestyles. Local Hostess shops are holding the doors open until every last white loaf of bread is picked off the […]
Hundreds of Birds Protest Thanksgiving with Mass Suicide
Springfield, MO – Hundreds of birds protesting Thanksgiving and the mutilation of millions of innocent turkeys caused quite the scene at Erie and Fremont streets by drinking poisoned Kool-Aid, thus ending their bird lives. Dozens of black carcasses covered the intersection and at one time the dead little bird bodies spelled a message that read […]
Frozen Turkeys Hidden Along Turkey Trot Route
Springfield, MO – Newcomer to the Ozarks grocery scene, Hy-Vee Inc., plans to give back to the community by donating 200 frozen turkeys to elevate the annual Turkey Trot event. The frozen poultry will be placed along the race route in hidden locations where racers are encouraged to find them and take them home. Racers […]
Traffic Report – November
Here the article talks about levitra samples some methods of skipping this problem- Talking to your partner- A major mistake done by males is hiding the problems from their partners can incite a desire for sexual intercourse and remind them of their issue. When higher than required amount of blood gets into the male buying […]
