All Entries Tagged With: "local"
High School Students Need To Be Reintroduced To English Language
Springfield, MO- After a summer filled with communications through only: texting, tweeting, meme-ing, and snap chatting, many Springfield area teenagers have to be reintroduced to not only proper grammar, but the English language as a whole. Most teachers have to start from the ground up for even the basic level of communication. It is a […]
Billboard Battle Fought with Billboard Ads!
Springfield, MO – Critics warning that proposed changes could lead to “hundreds and hundreds” of new billboards along local streets, and are taking that message to the very medium they are wishing to deter. “The billboard is a very effective medium for conveying a message, which is why we are constructing and acquiring space everywhere […]
Sign Lighting Sends Message to Mum
Springfield, MO – During a ceremonial lighting tonight of the new History Museum sign, a momentary secret message was sent to mothers across the pond; the coded communication read, “Hi to Mum”. Officials were able to bypass the programming seconds after the subject matter was revealed, but not before the stunt went viral. “I caught […]
Law Enforcement Surprised Ozarks Actually Imports Meth
Springfield, MO – Police officials are puzzled by a new study which shows that the Ozarks are actually a major importer of the addictive drug known on the street as Meth. Said one source, “to be honest, we thought we were a pretty major exporter.” The news was alarming to exporters as well. “I thought […]
Child Enrolls Parent into School Online
Springfield, MO – For students wishing to pull an early school year prank registering their parents into class is easier than ever. For the first time Springfield Public Schools is offering online registration for students who are new to the district, with one click online enrollment can be achieved by any nefarious student wishing to […]
MO Rodeo to Feature President Taft as Next Clown
Sedalia MO – After attracting a landslide of negative press over the weekend, the Missouri Rodeo Cowboy Association has decided to forego any reference of President Obama and focus on less polarizing political figures such as President William Howard Taft. An MRCA spokesperson released a statement explaining that Taft was a Republican and after serving […]
Waynesville Family Evacuates Flooding to New Orleans
Waynesville, MO – Citing numerous irritations with dangerous flooding conditions, several people are considering making a move to higher ground, the Jerome’s are planning to evacuate to New Orleans, LA because, “I trust their levee system and can’t remember the last time they had any issues with flood waters,” said Dwight Jerome, head of the […]
Protestors Impeach President Obama, Get Biden
Springfield, MO – A group of seven protesters armed with flags and signs lined the Cherry Street overpass to U.S. 65 rallying for President Barack Obama’s impeachment as rush hour traffic whizzed by yesterday which lead to the literal impeachment of President Barack Obama. According to witnesses, after the protest Article One of the United […]
MSU Serves Bear Steaks
Springfield, MO – Missouri State University’s agriculture program is now offering a proprietary selection of Bear beef cultivated from a 3,300-acre working cattle ranch. The Bear ground beef, steaks and roasts are available at specialty meats stores in Springfield. The Bear beef is offered at a premium price point but that isn’t deterring students, alumni […]
Tax Free Weekend Very Taxing
Springfield, MO – After four hours of searching, Shawn Hummerly of Nixa, was found curled n the fetal position near the Battlefield Mall Starbucks covered in trash. His wife and children reported him missing while shopping during the tax free holiday. “When we found him, he was muttering to himself a sort of chant ‘tax […]
Kid Brother Destroys Route 66 Lego Creation at Fair
Springfield, MO – The hard work and intricate detail that went into constructing Route 66 at the Ozark Empire Fair was completely destroyed this week, reportedly by Lego Man’s little brother–scattering dreams over three 6-foot long tables. The destruction was discovered after Lego Man returned from a lunch break and he immediately shouted, “James, I […]
Fail Sign August
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Drug Dealers Question Hourly Fees at Parks
Springfield, MO – The rules have been around since 2001, but recently drug dealers have complained about fees for making deals at Springfield-Greene County parks. Many professional drug daddys don’t have offices; instead, they have their drugs inside their car. Their fiends choose a location for their drop and it is usually at a […]
