All Entries Tagged With: "laugh"
Retired Playboy Bunnies Arrive for Easter Weekend
Springfield, MO—Retired Playboy Bunnies sprung up this morning across Springfield’s major intersections. The aged gals wore traditional Easter Bunny costumes announcing that the Holy Day was coming as if it were the end of the world. Most passerby’s simply honked in appreciation. One thoroughly surprised traveler was shocked when he stopped his car and […]
Man Still Trying to Leave Rock’n Ribs
Springfield, MO—Local man, Charlie Swangar, is still attempting to leave the 12th Annual Rock’n Ribs BBQ Festival presented by the Rotary Clubs of Springfield. According to reports, Swanger entered the Bass Pro parking lot on Saturday April 16th and has been attempting to navigate his way out of the traffic for several days. “The […]
Nixa Software Opens For Agro-Techs
Nixa, MO—Seven acres of software opened in Christian County on Highway 14 and 160 this week as Nixa Software welcomes digital loving rural customers who will be provided with high-tech gear for getting chores done around the house or the ranch. “I bought my daddy a iPhone holder belt buckle, his phone just slides […]
Snake Oil April
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Einstein Bros Bagel Company Creates Uranium Enriched Bagel
Springfield, MO- After years of pain-staking research, Einstein Bros Bagel Company finally created its first uranium enriched bagel. The bagel has not only been described as delicious, but also low in fat and high in death; the destroyer of worlds. The bagel is on sale now and is a big hit with numerous demographics. […]
1950’s Ad Executives, Private Investigators, and Hollywood Starlets All Decry Smoking Ban
Springfield, MO- According to numerous sources, many 1950’s Ad Executives, Private Investigators, and Hollywood Starlets decried the smoking ban that passed in Springfield on April 5th. The ban, starting June 5, will restrict smoking in all public buildings such as restaurants, clubs, or bars. “I can’t believe this“, states Grant Rogers as he nervously […]
Three Tourists Beheaded at Mexican Villa
Springfield, MO— Mexican Villa, a long-standing Ozarks’ tradition of fine Mexican Food saw three tourist’s heads removed with satisfaction last night. The diners were invited by their local hosts as guests to enjoy the Mexi-Ozarks cuisine; none expected heads to be lost over the meal. Lori McUli said, “our friends were in from Columbia […]
Mother Nature Gives Cardinals Out
Springfield, MO—The St. Louis Cardinals canceled their exhibition game against Double-A Springfield set for Tuesday night at Hammons Field, citing an ominous possible defeat at the hands of the underling team. Tuesday’s match was set for 7:07 p.m. and officials expected to draw a sold-out crowd of more than 9,000 before the “big” Cards […]
Naked Billboard Arouses Bachelor’s Interest
Springfield, MO – In the school’s latest effort to drive undergraduate enrollment, Ozarks Technical College launched a new outdoor ad campaign that’s exposing Springfield to the desirability of higher education. Featuring a female co-ed whose lady bumps are obscured only by the thin shield of her laptop, the billboards have been turning heads and dropping […]
Hot Wheels Sponsors Flyover Ramp at 60/65 Interchange
Springfield, MO—Hot Wheels, a Mattel brand, will sponsor the grand opening of the flyover ramp this weekend at the Highway 60/65 interchange. The sponsorship is part of an effort to add a sweet gravity performance loop and jump section to the highway for local residents to enjoy. “The people at Hot Wheels were gracious […]
METH HEADS RALLY AGAINST COCAINE DEALERS
Springfield MO.- The recent arrest of area cocaine dealers has gain support from an unlikely source. Nick Wethead, president of the Ozarks Meth Men has proposed that profiling be encouraged to rid the town of anyone that has the possibility of using cocaine instead of locally produced meth. “There is meth to our madness.”, […]
Meat Clothier Moves to Ozarks
Springfield, MO – Franc Fernandez, creator of Lady Gaga’s infamous “meat dress” was seen in downtown Springfield last week looking for studio space. According to sources close to the designer, Fernandez is looking to create more meat and animal inspired designs and therefore moving to the Midwest close to farmlands is a natural progression […]
Kyle Weems To Run For Mayor
Springfield MO – Kyle Weems was late getting to the press conference to discuss the Missouri State’s basketball involvement in the NIT postseason tournament. He was seen shaking hands with fans, hugging old ladies and kissing babies. When he finally took his seat he had the following comments. “Look I am glad as the next […]
Pole Dance Workout Offered at Pony Club
Springfield, MO—The Pony Club, a local gentlemen’s club, is offering pole-dancing workouts during the day in an attempt to reach a new crowd of local health-seeking patrons. The classes will be offered during the club’s off hours, at 8, 9 and 10 am Monday through Friday. “We thought we could capitalize on our empty […]
