All Entries Tagged With: "laugh"
Walmart to Develop Wal-borhoods for More Neighborhood Markets
Springfield, MO – The Bentonville, AR based retail giant Walmart has announced plans to build more neighborhoods in the Ozarks to accommodate their growth plan for the area. Walmart will begin construction on the communities this fall which will allow time to build the Neighborhood Markets to support them by early next year. The […]
If Bigfoot Trap Works, Wonders of Wildlife Optimistic About November Completion
Springfield, MO- According to a Bass Pro spokesman, Wonders of Wildlife should be completed be in November if their numerous Big Foot traps are successful. It is no surprise that a Big Foot exhibit would be a big a huge draw to Ozarkians. Wonders of Wildlife is making exhibit the main event. “We are […]
Postal Service “Mails It In” Develops Mailbot
Springfield, MO – Frustrated by an antiquated business model and angered at the thought of financial collapse local mail carriers are simply mailing in their efforts until Congress fixes their centuries-old institution. Mailman Jonsey Harth said, “it’s about time we did something about all of this electronic mail, electronic bill payment and some hog […]
“Who Want’s to Be Deported?” to be Filmed in SGF
Springfield, Mo. - City leaders have announced the first episode of a new show from the National Broadcast Company (NBC) will be filmed in Springfield this fall. In coordination with Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE), the new show will be called ‘Let’s Get You ‘Legal’’. Featuring undocumented aliens who will be given eight minutes […]
Bullies Look Forward To Start of School Year
Springfield, MO- Numerous bullies around the Springfield area are very excited to start the new school year. During the summer the bullies have had to make do with harassing neighborhood kids, small animals, siblings, weak step-parents, and cabbage patch dolls. But, now with school starting the bullies can really hone their craft and perfect […]
Billy Long Jumps Into Presidential Race; Causes 5.8 Earthquake
Springfield, MO – According to members of his staff, US Congressman Billy Long has jumped into the Presidential Race with both feet, triggering a terrifying and destructive 5.8 magnitude earthquake in Washington, D.C. this week. “When I heard Billy Long was now it the race, my whole body shook with fear,” said Norma Henkly who […]
Cheddar’s Provides Unforgettable Dining Experience from Hell
Springfield, MO—A local family seeking a comfortable lunch was thrust into a nightmare dining hell this Sunday while attempting to dine casually at Cheddar’s. “I really was looking forward to having a nice lunch with the in-laws to cap off the weekend. I had no idea that it would be the most memorable dining […]
Airplane Finally Lands at SGF Airport
Springfield, MO—A homemade Pipistrel airplane, holding two men, has finally landed now that the Springfield-Branson National Airport has finally reopened. “For Pete’s sake it is a national airport. I didn’t expect it to be shut down for three-four days,” said the pilot, Nick Shelby, upon landing, “you don’t see Regan or O’Hare closing for […]
Golf a Civil (War) Game This Weekend
Springfield, MO – Wilson’s Creek National Battlefield Superintendent Mort Meek announced today that, due to weather conditions and topographical need, the Sesquicentennial Re-enactment of the Battle Of Wilson’s Creek will be take place at Highland Springs Country Club this weekend. Over 3000 smelly, wool-clad, Union and Confederate would-be’s will take the field beginning this […]
Springfield Doctors Embrace Fox News Study
Springfield, MO – Patients gathered in waiting rooms across Springfield may be surprised to find out they’re participating in an on-going experiment to measure the short-term effects of watching Fox News Channel. The study requires patients to sit in a waiting room for at least 20 minutes while being exposed to Fox News. When the […]
Banned Book Becomes Top-Seller in Republic
REPUBLIC (MO) – Two books, “Slaughterhouse Five” by Kurt Vonnegut and “Twenty Boy Summer” by Sarah Ockler, have been banned from Republic High School’s curriculum and library. This decision was inspired by complaints from Missouri State University associate professor of management, Les Scoggins, who claims that the books contain material too shocking for […]
Local Bar Adds Kids Area
Springfield MO.- The Boom Boom Room, a bar on North Glenstone Street, announced today it will add a play area for kids to enjoy while their adult guardians sit in the bar and get hammered. The play area will be a 1987 Ford Bronco that won’t start but will feature coloring books to give children […]
Stock Collapse Predicted by Mayan Calendar
Springfield, MO—The Maya calendar, a system of calendars and almanacs used in the Maya civilization of pre-Columbian Mesoamerica, and in some modern Maya communities in highland Guatemala and Oaxaca, Mexico correctly predicted the bloody nosedive of stocks on the US market yesterday. According to researchers, “the evidence was there the whole time we just […]
Jackpot Lottery Ticket Sold at Kum N’ Go?!
Springfield, MO—“You’ve got to be frickin’ kidding me, like the one day that I didn’t buy a ticket from that store and it sells a winner,” said most of Springfield today. According to sources, one lucky bastard in Springfield is $1.2 million richer after matching all six numbers drawn to win the jackpot prize […]
