All Entries Tagged With: "laugh"
Pork ‘n Lines to Replace Rock ‘n Ribs
Springfield, MO – In order to better define what the Rock n’ Ribs visitor experience is officials have renamed the local benefit for the 2013 event to Pork n’ Lines. According to people who went to the event, no ribs were actually served and the lines and lines of people were long enough to be […]
Facial Follicle Fashion Competition This Weekend!
Springfield, MO – For those fascinated with facial follicle fashion, get ready to face some serious competition! Competitors from around the Ozarks are gathering at Patton Alley Pub this Saturday to prove that their genetic coding has superior follicle frolicking. Queen City Beards hosts the event and expects several male and female entries this year. […]
Titanic Museum Marks 100-Year Disaster with Underwater Exhibit
Branson, MO – Visitors to Branson can now enjoy the first underwater ride-through exhibit opened by the Titanic Museum to mark the 100-year anniversary of the sinking of the infamous ship. A special ceremony introduced the Underwater Titanic exhibit to the public; the underwater ride allows ticket holders to experience firsthand how it felt to […]
Great Southern Bank Robbed Of Great Southern Treasures
Springfield MO- Priceless artifacts from the great American South were robbed yesterday when an unknown gunman robbed “Great Southern Bank”. The gunman not only took confederate greenbacks, but also the very first vial of moonshine (created from actual harnessed moon light and turpentine), General’s Lee corpse encased in a glass coffin, the original secret recipe […]
Sleep…
You get too much and you are groggy…you get too little and you are cranky. Sleeping seems like such a waste of time…most of us sleep 1/3 of our day away. Yet, we have this sort of love-hate relationship with sleep. Likely, we feel pretty good when we lay down and just a few hours […]
God Okay with Idol Worship in the Ozarks
Springfield, MO – Following the performance of American Idol star Kelly Clarkson last night, several Christians converted to Idol worship. The God of the Universe had planned to strike dead all who are partaking in the pagan cult rituals but God finds Clakson’s music just too catchy and herself to be too cheery to destroy […]
Bad Teeth, Use of Phrase “Crikey” Oust British Fugitive in Ozark
Springfield, MO – A British fugitive was recently found in Ozark, MO trying to blend into his local surroundings. Authorities say they were tipped off by local residents as the man smelled of cabbage and haggis. The accused is said to have pulled off the “perfect crime” by driving off in a security van with […]
John Q Hammons Secures Naming Rights to Self
Springfield, MO – John Q. Hammons has recently offered up, and subsequently secured the naming rights to himself, staffers close to the local entrepreneur and real estate magnate say. The negotiations regarding the name change were reportedly heated, involving several business leaders and major companies. In the end Hammons won out, and plans to enact […]
FCN Goes Dark for 24 Hours
Springfield, MO – Fair City News is going dark today not in support of the SOPA and PIPA protest, but to promote world peace. World peace and one hundred million dollars….in unmarked, non-sequentially numbered small denominations. Yes, Fair City News is going dark today for world peace, one hundred million dollars in small unmarked bills […]
Residents Mourn Inevitable Closing of Newly Opened Store
Springfield, MO – Downtown Springfield shoppers got a treat this Monday when “Munch ‘n Muse” treated customers to free peach vegemite cupcakes during their grand opening celebration. The store, which sells designer cupcakes, indigenous Australian artifacts, and locally produced art and figurines, will cater to downtown shoppers looking for a creative gift or snack- until […]
Infamous Dave’s to Open Next to Famous Dave’s
Springfield, MO – infamous Dave’s is a chain of northern-style barbecue restaurants serving pork ribs, chicken and beef brisket. They have recently secured the location next door to Famous Dave’s a southern-style bbq joint. Infamous Dave’s prides itself on having an extremely bad reputation, horrible customer service and being detestable in general. Reaction is mixed […]
Real Bears Adopt Street
Springfield, MO – Local bears have adopted a street to clean and keep tidy in Southeast Springfield near Luster and Cragmont. According to the bears, they are hoping to raise awareness to their plight as an indigenous species in the Ozarks. City officials claim that the bears filed the necessary paperwork for street adoption and […]
MSU Band Apologizes for Playing MMMBop
Springfield, MO – MSU Pride Band issued an apology stating that they used poor judgment when they played “MMMBop” downtown on the square this month. “MMMBop” is a song written and performed by the American pop rock band Hanson and is quite offensive to anyone who has ever listened to music. “Frankly, I’d rather hear […]
SOLO to Open Huge Frozen Yogurt Company
Springfield, MO – Peachwave, Fro Yo, Orange Leaf, Andy’s, and other frozen dessert companies, this is your warning: Solo Cup has announced that they will soon be serving the largest frozen yogurt in the Ozarks. Solo Cup, a plant that has been dormant for several years, has recently made plans to serve the creamy goodness […]
