All Entries Tagged With: "laugh"
Ozarks Hunter Sees Five-Headed Buck
Springfield, MO—Local hunter Hal Nimmers said he saw a giant buck over the weekend but chose not to harvest the deer because he wanted to see “how big it’d be next year.” “I was in my tree stand when a giant five-headed deer came stomping through the brush, each head had at least 14 points. […]
Bass Pro Opens Bass Amateur
Springfield, MO – According to sources, Bass Pro shops has opened a pilot store in town targeting those who are not quite comfortable with their outdoor skills. Bass Amateur, or BassAm, is located on N. Campbell Avenue, next to the existing store. “BassAm is comfortable to me because I don’t have to pretend I know […]
Ready For Change: Vending Machine Degrees
Springfield, MO – To help President Obama increase the number of college-educated Americans, Bryan College will offer associate degrees via vending machine in the Spring 2011 semester. This is a bold but inevitable change, according to Bryan College administrator Haf Hiddin, who has reworked the BC education system to be less teacher-driven and more student-friendly. […]
Jerry Jones Purchases Springfield Wolfpack
Springfield, MO – Hours after dismissing Wade Phillips as the Dallas Cowboys head coach, team owner Jerry Jones purchased the Springfield Wolfpack to replace his football team’s roster with players willing to show up and play in each game. Said Jones, “An in-season coaching change is not something I’ve done before, nor is a mid-season […]
Long’s Pedicurist Leaks Reelection Slogan
Springfield, MO—In the wake of the November 2 election, Billy Long’s camp has wasted no time in putting together a plan for his reelection campaign. According to a woman who identifies herself as Long’s pedicurist, Long will abandon his extremely popular “Fed Up?” slogan in 2012. The pedicurist, who would like to remain nameless, claims […]
Meth Addict Wins Costume Contest
Springfield, MO — Springfield’s first annual city-wide Halloween costume contest was held Halloween evening at Party City on Campbell. Hundreds of Springfield residents came to attend in hopes of winning the grand prize of $500 cash. The catch was that to be eligible to win the costume contest, one’s costume needed to be Missouri-themed—or even […]
Long and Eckersley to Rock’em Sock’em
Springfield, MO – With tensions elevating as the Nov. 2 election nears, Congressional candidate, Billy Long, has thrown down the gauntlet by challenging Scott Eckersley to a winner-take-all, three-round bout of Rock’em Sock’em Robots. “My wife found my old Rock’em Sock’ems while she was cleaning out the attic last week. With all this mudslinging going […]
City Residents To Get Porta-Potties
Springfield MO—In an effort to help the city of Springfield make money when people use the toilet, Porta-Potties will soon be in everyone’s front yards. “The city loses money every time someone flushes the toilet,” commented City Manager Greg Burris. “We did not want to dump on another tax increase to people even though we […]
Ugly Stick Bashes Out The Funds
Springfield, MO—Several Ozarkers have apparently agreed to be beaten with the ugly stick Friday night to attend the Springfield Little Theatre’s Backwoods Bash at the Ugly Mug to raise funds for the organization. The event can be viewed here. The attendees are preparing for the fundraiser by taking several facial impacts from the ugly stick, […]
“Siht-&-Stay” Opens at Kum & Go
Springfield, MO – Kum & Go, a national gasoline chain, published a press release detailing plans to open a new chain of dog training stores, the “Siht-&-Stay”. The idea struck a senior executive officer within the company when he decided to forego the company motto and stay at one of their stores for more than […]
FCN Employee Fired After Un-Funny Statement
Springfield MO - John Williams a 12 year employee of Fair City News was fired today for non funny statements made to a local television station. According to questionable sources John Williams was walking his dog in Phelps Grove Park when he was approached by a reporter from KOLR channel 10. The reporter asked him […]
New Fountain Erupts in Downtown Springfield
Springfield, MO—A refreshing addition to the downtown entertainment ambiance will be unveiled at the next First Friday Artwalk—the Fountains of Downtown. The Fountains of Downtown promises to mesmerize admirers with its amazing display of water, music and light thoughtfully interwoven into an astonishing display of art. Breathing new life into the downtown scene has been […]
Purple Burrito Serves Purple Burrito
Springfield, MO—In a surprising announcement, the Mexi-Cali restaurant Purple Burrito has announced that it will be promoting business by serving an actual purple-colored burrito. “Our customers have come to expect authentic Mexi-Cali fusion meals at Purple Burrito so we have decided to up the ante and create a new signature item that will blow people’s […]
Good Song Blamed for Speeding
Springfield, MO—On Tuesday, Jimmy Galtert of Republic, gave what he considered a reasonable explanation to his excessive speed heading west on Sunshine street: a really good song came on the radio. “So there I was in my 2003 Ford Focus when Guns and Roses’ Paradise City began to play on the radio. I immediately hit […]
Cofer’s Address Focuses on Bow Tie Usage
Springfield, MO— In his first State of the University address, the new president of Missouri State University didn’t just try to motivate, he stressed the importance of the bowtie. James Cofer outlined many challenges, most notably, the adoption of an oft-overlooked men’s accessory. “The bowtie has served me well over the years, and I feel […]
