All Entries Tagged With: "humor"
Home Schoolers Get Snow Day Shaft
Springfield, MO – For the second school day in a row, home school students are stuck inside their classrooms not able to go outside and enjoy the snow while Springfield Public School scholars are free to make snowmen, sled and pound each other with snowballs. “Seriously, I gotta stay inside again and study while the […]
Customized Tank Shop Coming to Town!
Republic, MO – The city of Republic has announced that a $4.8 million manufacturing plant being built there should create 77 new jobs to construct awesome customized tanks. Sherlock Metal Masters, a company that designs and fabricates custom tanks with a variety of options including chop tops, show-stopping suicide-style, gull-wing or flip-up doors, custom grill, […]
Drone Prostitute Delivery Tested in Ozarks
Springfield, MO – Local pimp daddy Le Freak Mosho’ has announced that 3 months of drone delivery testing has proved successful and delivery of his ho’s might be available to the general public in as little as 14 months. The Federal Aviation Administration needs to sign off on the proposed flight plans, and Mosho’ says […]
Holiday Homeowners Infected with LED Poisoning
Springfield, MO – An annual family tradition of decorating several lawns with Christmas lights, animated displays and thousands of LED lights to celebrate the holidays and entertain carloads of spectators has been a much anticipated event, however, this year a grim reality prognosis has developed within the family known as a rare form of LED […]
Oxygen on Tap at Heritage Cafeteria
Springfield, MO – Diners can now enjoy free tableside oxygen at Springfield’s landmark cafeteria along with food steeped in tradition. The additional service is provided as an incentive to bring in more customers in the ultra-competitive restaurant scene. “We cater to an older generation of customers who appreciate extra details to enhance their experience. The […]
Salty Bear Nuts Actually Quite Tasty
Springfield, MO – Missouri State Bears fans now have the unique opportunity to eat Bear Nuts, which are widely available across Ozarks grocery stores. Bear Nuts are consumed by grabbing a handful, cupping the nuts and slamming them into a wide open mouth. “I like to support my local team and I can’t think of […]
Mom & Pop Health Food Stores Cry Foul
With an irony sweet as a hunk of marbled halvah, local mom and pop health food stores are accusing the multi-outlet, mega health food juggernaut, Mama Jean’s, of running them out of business. “We just can’t compete with a store that has multiple locations, two in upscale parts of the city, that can buy in […]
Gillioz Auction Conducted Via Reality Talent Show
Springfield, MO – The forthcoming auction of the Gillioz Theatre has interesting stipulations surrounding the protocol around purchasing the property: bidders must perform on stage and be voted and selected by a national audience. Similar to reality show such as The X Factor, American Idol and Dancing with the Stars, participants in the auction will […]
Traffic Cone Guy Hunts Bad Drivers
Springfield, MO – Based off of numerous first-hand accounts, the Missouri Department of Transportation has a new ally in the fight for highway safety and it is known as Traffic Cone Guy. Several motorists have claimed that they have been stopped after an unsafe merge or careless driving by the robotic monstrosity and issued a […]
Downtown Preacher to Address Court with Microphone and Amplifier
Springfield, MO – Described as noisy, annoying and filled with the obnoxious spirit, one downtown preacher has received at least seven tickets for disturbing the peace and plans to represent himself with his self-proclaimed talent for rhetoric coupled with an amplifier and microphone. “This preacher likely saw the Sham-wow guy and thought, ‘hey, I too […]
Veterinarians Day Parade Attracts Hundreds of Animals
Springfield, MO – Springfield’s First Annual Veterinarians Day parade took place on Saturday and was attended by several people and non-humans to show their support for the profession. The 1.5-mile route, which started at Grand Street and South Avenue, was lined by companion animals, livestock, zoo animals and other vets. Duane Dolittle, a vet specializing […]
Classical Musicians Protect the Square with Music
Springfield, MO – To decrease problems on the square, the Springfield Police has paired up with the Urban Districts Alliance by employing classical musicians trained in the art of self-defense and crowd control techniques to sooth criminal behavior and if necessary, strike back with a cello. According to experts, exposure to music–especially classical music–has effectively […]
Drury Audience Amused with Duke Coach’s Name
Springfield, MO – Fans of Drury basketball were entertained this weekend by a tricky college basketball name, Mike Krzyzewskie. “Ker-zoo-ski, sure had a heck of a team. Sounds like he walked into a good recruiting situation…I couldn’t imagine most families sending their sons off to play for someone who they couldn’t even pronounce. ‘My son […]
Child Preparing to Hide Candy from Parents
Springfield, MO – According to playground conversations, 2nd grader Lanie Post is actively putting into motion a plan to keep the best tasting candy out of her parent’s hands during and after Halloween. Claiming past experiences as her motivation, Post is determined to prevent Kit Kats, Reese’s peanut butter cups and Sour Patch Kids from […]
