All Entries Tagged With: "humor"
Tea Party Rally at Party Cove
Anderson Hollow Cove, MO—To further the cause of the Tea Party, members decided to congregate at Lake of the Ozarks this summer to protest against government annoyances and oversights. Local Tea Party organizers always heard that Party Cove was a place where individual freedom is respected and Party Cove people are more open-minded that […]
Brass Knuckle Deer Season Announced
Springfield, MO—The local office of the Missouri Department of Conservation has announced the creation of Brass Knuckle Deer Season. Beginning August 13 and running through August 25, punchers will be allowed two unconscious bucks per hunter, per season. Doe punching will not be allowed as this falls under state statute regarding wife beating. Department […]
Local Couple Gets Married in Order to Have Sex
Springfield (MO) – Jordan Darrow and Cassidy Nash (now Darrow) were married last Saturday in a beautiful ceremony, in Springfield, MO. When asked how the couple knew it was time to “tie the knot,” Darrow (age 20) and his new bride (age 19) agreed: it was time that they finally had sex with each […]
20 Years…
The big reunion is coming up. The year was 1991 and other than the obvious 40lbs I have gained since my high school graduation, I look a lot like I did back in the day. Of course, things have changed a bit. I haven’t worn a turtle neck under a button down shirt in […]
July Horoscopes
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“BBC” and “CBC” Combine Into New “CBCBCB”
Springfield, MO – In a move to become more efficient, the Board of Governors for Baptist Bible College (BBC) and Central Bible College (CBC) voted unanimously to consolidate resources by merging into the larger CBCBCB. This act will save the two institutions millions in printing costs by reducing the 38 characters in both names down […]
Area Dogs Survive Another Armageddon
Springfield, MO- Area dogs are pleased to see they survived another Armageddon. The Armageddon (which always occurred in early July) is marked with horrible, thunderous banging sounds; bright lights exploding in the sky; black ash snakes appearing from flames; fire and sparks shooting from the ground; and smiling demons holding magic sticks of fire. […]
Giant Black Snake Tops Fireworks Show
Kimberling City, MO—“OMG what the hell is that!?” could be heard shouted from boaters on Table Rock Lake this weekend as they viewed the final few moments of the Kimberling Bridge fireworks show. According to sources, the fireworks finale included a 475-foot tall, 60-foot round giant black snake that scared the bejesus out of […]
Sidewalk Improv Starting on Glenstone
Springfield, MO— This summer promises to be the most improvisationally-filled sidewalk summer in history as road signs indicate that teams of improv players will be taking to the sidewalks on Glenstone avenue soon. “Ah, yeah I saw the signs for sidewalk improv and I was all like stoked for the hilarity on my walk […]
Area Nerds Just Wait In Line All Summer
Springfield, MO- Numerous area nerds decided to simply wait all summer in line due to the variety of nerdy movies playing this season. The nerds, on summer break from their computer science studies from MSU, thought being able to get great seats at various midnight showings is much better than having a normal social […]
Summer Romance Ends At Summer Reunion
Springfield, MO- A budding romance between Amy Boone and Kurt Brower ended yesterday when they both discovered that they are blood relatives. The awkward situation arouse when they decided to “party hop” noticing both their family reunions happened at the same park, at the same day, at the same time. “At first I was […]
Aliens Suspected in Puppy Proliferation
By G. Etaclue Springfield is experiencing record numbers of unwanted pets with speculation they are being dropped on the city by aliens. “Animals are running at large everywhere” said an animal control officer who spoke off the record fearing alien retaliation. “Last week we had 50 complaints about packs of strays stealing hot dogs from […]
Heerpees Disease Spreads to Buildings
Springfield, MO – Concerns for the health of vacant buildings in Springfield have been raised by city officials since a developer for Hickory Hills missed a payment deadline on the property. It appears the same problems with Hickory Hills and the Heers building are strangely similar. To see if the problems with these properties […]
