All Entries Tagged With: "humor"
Viebrock to Wrestle Arnott in Steel Cage Match
Springfield MO.- The ongoing feud between presiding Greene County Commissioner Jim Viebrock and Greene County Sheriff Jim Arnott will soon be settled when they wrestle each other in a steel cage match at the shrine mosque later next month. What will be the main event for the night is being billed as “The Battle […]
2,000 People Got They Grillz Did
Springfield, MO – Over 200 dentist banded together last week to provide fake gold teeth, removable gold grills, platinum teeth, and gold grillz to hundreds of Missourians who otherwise might not have been able to afford them. Many people waited as long as 22 hours outside the Ozark Empire Fairgrounds in hopes of […]
Local Target Announces New Promotion: “MILFs all day everyday!”
Springfield, MO – After analyzing a recent survey of their customer demographics, Target discovered what sets them apart from most other retail stores in the area. Their key shoppers are young attractive females, mostly young mothers. They then commissioned a follow-up study to determine what it is about Target that this group likes the […]
Republic Schools Ban Writing Instruments
Republic Mo.- Effective immediately if students in the Republic school system want to jot something down on a piece of paper, they will have to transfer to a school outside the area to do it. School officials have banned the use of pencils,pens and felt tip markers. Spokesman Nick Nosebottom, said in a press […]
Pensmore Mansion Swallowed By Sinkhole
Highlandville, MO – The indestructible castle Pensmore, formerly known as Overwatch Manor, was afforded every protection available to architects, however, a good ol’ fashioned Missouri sink hole has provided an unseen set back to the colossal project. This week an enormous sink hole consumed Pensmore in an 800 foot collapse into the Ozark Mountains. […]
Dillons Nervous About Neighboring Hy-Vee’s Customer Service, Specialty Foods and Giant Rooftop Artillery Cannon
Springfield, MO- With the Hy-Vee grocery store opening across the street, Dillons Super Store is nervous about the competition and being blown out of existence by a giant rooftop mounted artillery cannon. Hy-Vee is an upscale grocery store lauded for their customer service and unique specialty foods. Also they have a cannon on their […]
Academy Sells $0.20 of Goods to Curious Ozarkers Opening Weekend
Springfield, MO – Newly opened sports and outdoor company Academy celebrated a grand opening weekend welcoming thousands of visitors who combined for $0.20 worth of sales for the retail giant. Most folks who visited the store left empty handed but with a good idea of what goes into a huge building with lots of expectations. […]
“Hindenburg Museum” Opening Across from “Titanic”
Branson, MO- It looks as if fire and ice will come together when Branson’s Hindenburg Museum will open next month directly across the street from the world famous Titanic Museum. The Hindenburg Museum will let visitors see the horror of the famous explosion that destroyed the LZ 129 Hindenburg zeppelin on May 6, 1937 through […]
FCN Missed Connections
Springfield, MO – According to Craigslist findings, the follow missed connections are now reported: “You were wearing black clothin’ with black eyeliner, and a dog chain necklace that highlighted your fishnet gloves on the square Friday night.” – Goth Lovah “Chocolate Andy’s custard was on your chin, I reached to wipe it off but […]
MSU Roommate Relationship Reaches Boiling Point
Springfield, MO- Even though they have only been living together for just a few weeks, Larry Harshman and Kyle Founder’s relationship has reached a breaking point. The two MSU freshmen had high hopes for their living situations when coming into the fall semester. Bonding over such things as all-night Halo death matches, acting as […]
Walmart to Develop Wal-borhoods for More Neighborhood Markets
Springfield, MO – The Bentonville, AR based retail giant Walmart has announced plans to build more neighborhoods in the Ozarks to accommodate their growth plan for the area. Walmart will begin construction on the communities this fall which will allow time to build the Neighborhood Markets to support them by early next year. The […]
September Horoscopes
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If Bigfoot Trap Works, Wonders of Wildlife Optimistic About November Completion
Springfield, MO- According to a Bass Pro spokesman, Wonders of Wildlife should be completed be in November if their numerous Big Foot traps are successful. It is no surprise that a Big Foot exhibit would be a big a huge draw to Ozarkians. Wonders of Wildlife is making exhibit the main event. “We are […]
Office NFL Jersey Day Taken Too Far
Springfield, MO – Employees at Jimmerson Accounting were deeply offended today when VP of Operations Lance Figpie came dressed as an Oakland Raiders fan. The office had declared today as “wear your team jersey day” to celebrate the opening of the NFL season. Figpie took the spirit day too far according to co-workers. ”Lance showed […]
