All Entries Tagged With: "humor"
New Coach line makes debut at Battlefield Mall
Springfield, MO – The premier leather bag retailer from New York, Coach Inc., is planning on market testing a new product line at their Battlefield Mall location. Lewis Frankfort, Coach’s CEO, made the announcement in a press release last Monday when revealing the company’s new line: The Coach Bag. “Coach has been commonly confused with […]
Animal Suspension Featured at SGF Arts and Tattoo Festival
Springfield, MO – Continuing today at the Ozarks Empire Fairgrounds, the Springfield Arts and Tattoo Festival will feature several spectacles including live animal suspension demonstrations, open to the public. Parrots, guinea pigs, and cute widdle puppies will be jabbed with sharp hooks and hung 5-12 feet into the air for pure spiritual enlightenment rarely enjoyed […]
John Q Hammons Secures Naming Rights to Self
Springfield, MO – John Q. Hammons has recently offered up, and subsequently secured the naming rights to himself, staffers close to the local entrepreneur and real estate magnate say. The negotiations regarding the name change were reportedly heated, involving several business leaders and major companies. In the end Hammons won out, and plans to enact […]
FCN Goes Dark for 24 Hours
Springfield, MO – Fair City News is going dark today not in support of the SOPA and PIPA protest, but to promote world peace. World peace and one hundred million dollars….in unmarked, non-sequentially numbered small denominations. Yes, Fair City News is going dark today for world peace, one hundred million dollars in small unmarked bills […]
Man Drives MLK Bridge Over and Over for MLK Day
Springfield, MO – Local man Norm Hugefston decided to celebrate Martin Luther King Day by driving continuously over the Martin Luther King bridge for 8 hours. His trek was sponsored by several friends and neighbors and he raised at least $380.00 to contribute to the local chapter of the NCAAP. “I was wanting to do […]
Residents Mourn Inevitable Closing of Newly Opened Store
Springfield, MO – Downtown Springfield shoppers got a treat this Monday when “Munch ‘n Muse” treated customers to free peach vegemite cupcakes during their grand opening celebration. The store, which sells designer cupcakes, indigenous Australian artifacts, and locally produced art and figurines, will cater to downtown shoppers looking for a creative gift or snack- until […]
Man Lost for Days Inside Battlefield Mall
Springfield, MO – Jerry Strafford spend the better part of a week trying to find his way out of the Battlefield Mall located in Springfield, MO. Strafford’s wife reported him missing after he went for a drink of water during a shopping spree to find him a new pair of jeans. The labyrinth of straight […]
No Pants Elevator Ride at Hammons Tower Today
Springfield, MO – The annual “no-pants elevator” event at Hammons Tower is scheduled to take place today to align with the NYC No Pants Subway ride coordinated by Improv Everywhere. The Ozarks do not have a subway system so the elevator ride up to the top of a large building is the best big city […]
Infamous Dave’s to Open Next to Famous Dave’s
Springfield, MO – infamous Dave’s is a chain of northern-style barbecue restaurants serving pork ribs, chicken and beef brisket. They have recently secured the location next door to Famous Dave’s a southern-style bbq joint. Infamous Dave’s prides itself on having an extremely bad reputation, horrible customer service and being detestable in general. Reaction is mixed […]
Nixa Wookiee Sighted near Supercenter
Nixa, MO – Nixa shoppers received a shock Monday evening when several individuals reported a sighting of the legendary Nixa Wookiee in and around the Local Walmart Supercenter. Although the Nixa Wookiee has long enjoyed a position of prominence in local folklore, this is the first time in recent memory a sighting of the creature […]
Man Resolves to Not Make Resolutions
Springfield, MO – Jackson Henderson has made his intent known to family and friends that he will not be making any New Year’s resolutions this year. In fact, he is steadfast in picking up new bad habits to enhance his life. “Jackson showed up to the New Year’s party smoking cigarettes, chewing tobacco and wearing […]
2011 Year In Review
Here’s a glimpse at headlines from 2011. Choosing only 1 per month was difficult. Feel free to weigh in with your best headline of the year. January Overwatch Manor Doghouse Biggest In Missouri February Brown Derby Actually Black March Hammons Found Frozen in Carbonite April Tornado Warning Issued Until October May 2012 Cox Sucker Days […]
Tis the Season…but glad it is over!!
It is official; the holidays bring out the worst in us. It used to be a time where folks would greet each other on the street and share good tidings…now, you get in the way, and someone gives you a shot of pepper spray. So, this is who we have become. I suppose nothing has […]
