All Entries Tagged With: "humor"
Chase to Offer Instant Debt Cards
Springfield, MO – Chase customers who lose their plastic cards or who have an open account will soon be able to get debt instantly at about 2,000 of the bank’s branches, with a focus on Springfield, Nixa and Ozark markets by year end. Typically, it takes several years to acquire significant debt, Chase said, we’re […]
Som-Bitch Soldier Decorations Now Available
Springfield, MO – Som-bitches around the Ozarks can now express their holiday spirit by placing an oversized, blown-up, redneck soldier in their yards. The crop-top wearin’, belly-showing, mustached inflatable is complete with hunting cap and beer can in the left hand. According to the manufacturer Hey Y’all Watch This, consumer demand for a more culturally […]
Black Friday Shoppers Blockade Food Shoppers
Springfield, MO – Mayhem ensued at one Springfield Walmart when local resident John Turkman needed lightbulbs and Mountain Dew. Turkman was accosted by in his words, “a redneck family that made you think they were the poster children for the people of Walmart.” Turkman stated, “My living room lamp bulbs hand burned out and […]
4-Year-Old Boy Shows No Progress from No Shave November, 4th Year in a Row
November is not just a time for people to give thanks, but it is also a time for males to prove their ability to grow facial hair. However, for a young 4-year-old Springfield boy, that is hardly the case. Since he was born, Aaron Larson has made sure that he isn’t the only male […]
Wonder Bread Maker Folds Amidst Cultural Diversity
Springfield, MO –Across the country, thousands of bakers are losing their jobs producing Wonder Bread, Twinkies and Ho Hos at a point in time that collides with a diversified culture and increased awareness towards healthy lifestyles. Local Hostess shops are holding the doors open until every last white loaf of bread is picked off the […]
Frozen Turkeys Hidden Along Turkey Trot Route
Springfield, MO – Newcomer to the Ozarks grocery scene, Hy-Vee Inc., plans to give back to the community by donating 200 frozen turkeys to elevate the annual Turkey Trot event. The frozen poultry will be placed along the race route in hidden locations where racers are encouraged to find them and take them home. Racers […]
Traffic Report – November
Here the article talks about levitra samples some methods of skipping this problem- Talking to your partner- A major mistake done by males is hiding the problems from their partners can incite a desire for sexual intercourse and remind them of their issue. When higher than required amount of blood gets into the male buying […]
The Garage Sale – Motivational Speaker
The time is 5:30 am and as the sun rises, today will not be any ordinary day. Someone wraps at your door. When you answer, there stands an old man with one thing in mind; he saw the ad and he wants your golf clubs. You didn’t grab your glasses before you answered the door […]
Citizens Celebrate End of Election Advertising
Springfield, MO – This election season has united the Ozarks populace with one resounding result: the end of political advertising. Campaign advertisements have inundated members of all parties for several months and political messaging has seeped into every expression of life, on the side of the highway, in front yards, on radio, online annoyances and […]
Obama Calls It Quits After Redskins Loss
Springfield, MO – The local democratic campaign office has announced that President Obama will not seek another term after the Washington Redskins lost to the Carolina Panthers this past weekend. The report referenced Obama’s decision was based solely upon the Redskins Rule, which has accurately predicted the outcome of every presidential election since 1940. Obama […]
Parents Increase Candy Tax This Halloween
Springfield, MO – Local parents have increased the cost of chaperoning their children during the candy gathering season known colloquially as Halloween. The parental imposed Candy Tax has held steady over the past decade, but saw an increase after weak job growth and economic instability this year. “We just can’t afford to purchase as much […]
Post-debate, Obama staffers reveal Seinfeld strategy
Springfield, MO – One week after the final presidential debate in Boca Raton, Florida, speculation has surfaced that the Obama team used some unorthodox tactics while preparing the president for his most recent public appearances. “The rumors are true,” one anonymous source said. “During Monday’s debate, the President was eager to engage in what […]
Hurricane Sandy Expected to Merge with Ozarks Tornado, setting off New Madrid Fault Line
Springfield, MO – Local weather experts are fearful that hurricane Sandy will turn its sights onto the Midwest after it destroys the Eastern Coast of the United States. After already merging with a nor’easter and clashing into Arctic winds, Sandy is growing stronger each day. “This storm has an appetite that cannot be contained. If […]
Task Force Addresses Concerns Amid Nuclear Test/Holocaust On Square
Springfield, MO – While a newly formed task force met at the Busch Municipal Building on Tuesday afternoon to strategize against negative perceptions of Park Central Square, an actual nuclear bomb test and ethnic cleansing occurred on the square. “Yeah, we’ve got our work cut out for us,” said Nancy Puhdrewery, a newly appointed task […]
