All Entries Tagged With: "humor"
50 Shades of Santa Guy Seeks New Location
Springfield, MO – For weeks, a Santa Claus clad figure was seen on Glenstone promoting a local business while indulging in an erotic novel. Now that the holidays are over, local Santa/poster guy, Curtis Yipraw is looking for another public outlet to read his tasty novel. “It truly was exciting reading about Anastasia and Christian’s […]
5 Guys Burgers Seriously Considering Hiring 6th Guy
Springfield, MO- With the opening of “5 Guys Burgers” in the Battlefield Mall many Springfield patrons are flocking to the new eating establishment which is causing stress to the only 5 employees. “I don’t know what we were thinking,” said Joseph “Guy 3” Barton while he simultaneously took 3 orders and bused 2 tables. “We […]
First Name Basis Only Commercial Zone on Campbell Ave.
Springfield, MO – Sam’s, Casey’s, Freddy’s, Andy’s, and Famous Dave’s are taking advantage of specially zoned area on either side of south Campbell avenue, accessible via the gateway to first name business land: James River Expressway. Companies whose dba reflects a male or female first name have been incented to locate along this strip of […]
Hinese Food Offered in SGF
Springfield, MO – A local restaurant is offering a new cuisine that’s sure to be the butt of many jokes: Hinese food. Patrons are unsure if the food is intended to be ingested via the hiney or if the food being served is made from the hiney of an animal. “Yeah, sure I’d try me […]
Santa Fe Grill hosts SGF Santacon
Springfield, MO – Local eatery Santa Fe Grill will be turning into the “Santa” Grill this season as holidays heat up and patrons are looking for more festive dining options. One of the events of Santa Grill will be a new Springfield tradition based on Santacon in NYC, San Francisco and other nationwide locations. “Santacon […]
“Huge Asteroid No Threat to Earth” Laughs, Running and Screaming Astronomers
Springfield, MO – Local astronomers are claiming that the large asteroid flying in nearly the same orbit as Earth will make a close pass by the planet, but there’s no chance of an impact. Several astronomers at Baker Observatory, Ozarks Amateur Astronomers Club (OAAC) confirmed that claim while packing several cases of survival food packages […]
Monkey Appears at Hammons Tower
Springfield, MO – A fashionable dressed monkey appeared inside the Hammons Tower this week, just days after causing a stir at a Toronto Ikea store. The primate was seen completing law agreements and managing teller responsibilities within the massive building. “I went inside to use the Empire ATM and this monkey took my ATM card […]
Pablo (Escobar/Picasso) Tunnel Discovered
Springfield, MO – A curious tunnel has been discovered at National and Sunset street, with a simple message painted on it “Pablo” leading skeptics to believe that Pablo Escobar once used the tunnel for trafficking narcotics or more over that Pablo Picasso hid revolutionary paintings along the route for safekeeping. “We know one thing, the […]
Downtown Proselytizers Give In to Sin
Springfield (MO) — The infamous proselytizers, who typically protest sin on the corner of Walnut Street and South Avenue, finally gave in. The gentlemen, who had spent every weekend of the past several years proselytizing with impressive consistency to Springfield’s downtown patrons, put down their signs, sighed, and walked right into The Boogie last Saturday. […]
Shades of Grey’s Anatomy: Skaggs Takes Cox
Branson, MO – In a predetermined course of events, Skaggs will take Cox even deeper. Cox entered Skaggs this past summer giving birth to a new family member in Branson. Next month, Skaggs will officially become Cox and light snickering will ensue. While this isn’t the first time Skaggs and Cox have been connected, this […]
Downtown Fundamentalists Take Lessons from “Cash for Gold”
Springfield, MO – On an average weekend night in downtown Springfield, you might see different groups of people from over-dressed college kids, gigging musicians, street performers, the guy with the telescope, to many of the “square rats” with their skateboards, shouting, and/or hand drums. But the one constant to any weekend night downtown are the […]
Local Man Selects PowerBall, Square & Triangle
Springfield, MO – In an astronomical anomaly, Henry Tipton has correctly selected not only the winning PowerBall numbers but the trans-dimensional lotteries PowerSquare and PowerTriangle. The odds of Tipton even discovering the extra dimensions are overshadowed by his ability to locate and correctly select the winning combinations of three lotteries. “I guess I happened across […]
Kaleidoscope Offers Mercy Discounts
Springfield, MO – Local curious shop, piercing and tattoo studio, Kaleidoscope, announced plans to offer Mercy Hospital patients up to half off any product or service in the store. Located only a stone’s throw away from the medical campus, hospital patients need only walk a few paces to take advantage of the groovy discounts. “My […]
