All Entries Tagged With: "humor"
Cattle Heads Stolen From Farm
Marionville, MO – According to a grotesque trail of bovine blood, nearly thirty cattle were decapitated and left for dead in Lawrence County. The heads were completely removed and relocated to another place, far away from their previous location…atop their shoulders. The Lawrence County Sheriff confirmed that 27 head of cattle were stolen from a […]
Gun Show Sells Out of Guns – Starts Selling Slingshots
Springfield, MO – Gun sales over the weekend exceeded expectations as Ozarkers snatched up every last pistol, rifle, and rocket launcher during the Gun Show at the Ozark Empire Fairgrounds. Pink lady guns to camo covered assault rifles flew off the vendor’s tables into the overjoyed hands of anxious buyers. Arms dealers at the Gun […]
Characters Invade SLT Big Party
Springfield, MO – Springfield Little Theater is anticipating a horde of fairy tale characters at the Big Party event Saturday night. “We had the idea for a costume party but somewhere along the way we opened some sort of book portal…it is really, really strange. I saw Mufasa walking the stage earlier today – fo […]
City Tangles with the Wrong Clown!
Springfield, MO – City efforts to thwart a sign-posting clown in southwest Springfield have heighted. According to sources, the citizen-clown has taken measures to protect his property from prying government inspectors. “We have reason to believe that the property in question has been equipped with tripwires that release laughing gas, confetti-stuffed landmines and flying attack […]
Barney…
Child number three and Barney, much to my chagrin, is still around. His programming may have been discontinued but he still lingers in the form of these ghastly videos. Somehow, this goofy, purple, dinosaur-looking bastard transcends time and makes a mockery out of the pain and disappointment that is the real world. For Barney and […]
Jay Nixon Totally Inaugurated All Day
Jefferson City, MO – According to sources, Governor Jay Nixon was totally inaugurated today on the Capitol lawn in front of scores of attendees. The ceremonial initiation was pronounced to be “bitchin’” and “gnarly” by supports in the crowd. The day was full of swearing, as Lt. Gov Peter Kinder, Sec. of State Jason Kandor, […]
That Guy From Coldplay Becomes Interim Head Baseball Coach for SBU
BOLIVAR, MO – Word has recently come out that Chris Martin is Southwest Baptist University’s head baseball coach–as in the lead singer for Coldplay. Coldplay, the popular British alt-rock band is on a temporary hiatus, in spite of their continued success, so that Martin can coach at the Bolivar college. “Coldplay will be reluctantly taking […]
Local Man Launches New Asocial Network
SPRINGFIELD, MO – Anti-Zuckerbergians across the world may find a new hero here in the good old Ozarks in well-known local entrepreneur Willie Czonka. Czonka announced recently the launching of a new asocial networking site aptly named InYourFacebook, which promises a creative outlet for curmudgeons, cuckolds, catamounts, cranks and crackpots. “Many of us are thoroughly […]
Man Reluctantly Takes Family To Strip Club For Best Steak in Town
Springfield, MO- In an act of total desperation, a local man brought his family to an un-named strip club that boasts in having the best, cheapest steak in town. Family man Dalton Barlow knew that going to a strip club was totally deplorable, but he really, really likes good steak. Barlow, a father of 3 […]
Snoopy House Discovered in Springfield
Springfield, MO – Peanuts fans will instantly recognize a familiar dwelling at the corner of National and Sunshine Street – all they need to do is look in the Northeastern corner of the intersection to find a dog house for one famous white and black dog. Now that the word is out, Springfield is attracting […]
Mom and Pop Sex Shops Driven out of Business By Evil Corporations
Springfield, MO- The main street of yesteryear faced a huge blow yesterday when yet another mom and pop shop went out of business. The “Paradise” sex shop, which has been apart of the Appleton family for generations, was brought out by the faceless entity known as “Romantixxx”. “This is a real shame,” says great-grandma Marlene […]
Resolutionist Resolves to Relax
Springfield, MO – Ralph Robbermerg has claimed a new resolution – to become a Relaxation Resolutionist. Maxing the most of his life, Robbermerg has committed to reading fiction, playing video games and hanging around a pool whenever possible. “Listen, I’ve worked for most of my life and all I really have at the end of […]
