All Entries Tagged With: "Gambling"
Kum & Go To Add Slot Machine Gas Pumps
Springfield, MO- Due to the constantly varying gas prices, Kum & Go has decided to change all gas pumps to slot machine like apparatuses. Customers will put anywhere from one dollar to 25-dollars into the machines and pull the lever. Gas could be as low as 50-cents a gallon to 5-dollars depending on how […]
Jackpot Lottery Ticket Sold at Kum N’ Go?!
Springfield, MO—“You’ve got to be frickin’ kidding me, like the one day that I didn’t buy a ticket from that store and it sells a winner,” said most of Springfield today. According to sources, one lucky bastard in Springfield is $1.2 million richer after matching all six numbers drawn to win the jackpot prize […]
Mega Millions Winner Plans for Ruined Life
Springfield, MO—At the end of the night, Lauren Whocheck of Nixa, MO, held the winning Mega Millions lottery ticket netting a $225 million in a lump sum payment. Whocheck said she was at first very happy, then realized that the money would eventually ruin her mediocre, but livable life. After accepting the cash lump sum […]
Office Worker Bets Future on NCAA Tourney
Springfield, MO—Stuck in a low income, dead-end job, Joan Embers has placed her children’s future on the results of the NCAA Men’s Tournament this week. Placing “$25,000 on a whim is stupid, but placing it on a sure winner is pure genius,” said Embers. According to Embers, she employed a sophisticated style of selection process […]
