All Entries Tagged With: "funny"
Deer Warn of Upcoming Motorist Season
Springfield, MO—Not surprisingly, Missouri leads the nation in vehicle-deer collisions says Buck Muntjac. There are about four million motorists in the state, and a lot of people gather in urban areas where there is a lot of grazing, the humanist with the Springfield Human Studies Center said. That means there are plenty of opportunities for […]
MSU Bears Land 2019 Recruit
Springfield MO – The Missouri State basketball program has landed a future recruit for the upcoming 2019 season. Joey Jones a 3-foot 4-inch player from McGregor Elementary gave an oral commitment yesterday to sign with the Bears when he becomes old enough. “It’s a big relief not having to worry about where I am going […]
Where are the drivers? A basic dissertation with basic motivation…
Dissertation: As I left my house early one Sunday morning, I drove by one of the many establishments of ill repute here in Springfield and, as usual, I saw a number of automobiles left behind. Remnants, no less, of a good time gone bad and a sign that there will be patrons coming back on […]
Giant Motionless Robot Attacks!
Springfield, MO—At twenty minutes before eight, central time, Professor Farrell of the Missouri State University Observatory, reported observing several explosions of incandescent gas, occurring at regular intervals on the planet Mars. Moments later a large, mostly immobile Martian robot was seen hovering over Jordan Valley Park. The expressionless metallic invader stuck fear into nearby park […]
SGF City Council Stares at Goats
Springfield MO—People that hope to raise chickens in their backyards may soon have goats to go along with them. An attempt to allow the citizens of Springfield to have two goats on their property is being sponsored by Tom Tuttle, president of the Ozark Goat Ropers Club. “With all this newfound evidence of growing and […]
First Airport Diverging Diamond Runways Opens
Springfield, MO—Just a month after completing the second diverging diamond intersection in Springfield at National Ave. and James River Freeway, city and airport officials held a ribbon cutting on Monday to celebrate the “first-in-the-nation” diverging diamond runways at the Springfield Branson National Airport. The $22 million dollar project is being hailed by city officials as […]
Snuggies Allowed in R-12 Classrooms
Springfield MO - In an effort to reduce energy costs in the Springfield public schools, all teachers will be wearing the popular “Snuggie” in the classroom. “We recently sent out a memorandum stating that due to high energy consumption, personal space heaters, coffee makers, refrigerators, popcorn makers, and microwave ovens will no longer be allowed […]
Eckersley To Live In Van By The River If Elected
Springfield MO.- Seventh congressional candidate Scott Eckersley has vowed not only to take a pay cut if elected, but to cut other expenses by living in his camper van by the Potomac River in Washington D.C.. “I recently came out and said I would take a lower salary from the $174,000.00 representatives make down to […]
Billy Long Cardboard Cutout Agrees to Debate
Springfield MO - After weeks of negotiations between the seventh congressional candidates, Billy Long has agreed to a question and answer session between himself and his democratic opponent Scott Eckersly. The date for the event is scheduled for November 1st, one day before the election. According to the terms of the debate, sources have indicated […]
September Horoscopes
Fair City News is proud to present monthly horoscopes to help readers navigate life’s hills and valleys. Working of herbal remedies – Musli Kaunch cialis side effects Shakti capsules with plain water or milk for the best results. It’s important to explore all possible solutions with your medical team to be sure that you are […]
Outlaw Gang Tracked to Sherwood Forrest
Springfield, MO—Greene County Sheriff’s deputies have tracked an outlaw gang to a Southside neighborhood in Greene County known as Sherwood Forrest located off highway 160 or Campbell Avenue. According to reports, the gang is responsible for multiple thefts across the city, numerous acts of mischief and several drive by arrow shootings. Local resident Gloria Shiffold […]
The Fair…
Although I dread going, every year I find myself there…the fair. It is not a pleasant experience but yet somehow thousands of people flock to this virtual hell hole every year. They bring their friends, their neighbors, their livestock, their neighbors livestock and pretty much anyone who will come. The fair somehow supersedes reality by […]
Springfield Library Features Burning Books Display
Springfield, MO—The Springfield-Greene County Library District will unveil new burning books displays this week at its six campuses. A prominent endcap will be constructed in each location that will house several books set on fire in an attempt to educate the public on past book burnings. The burning of books has a long history as […]
Springfield City Council Approves Calumet City Loan
Springfield MO- With some reservations about the plan, Springfield city council voted unanimously for a loan for the redevelopment plan for Calumet City, an abandoned Hot Dog Stand located in downtown Springfield behind the main post office. The developer, Ken McCow has already received a $3 million dollar loan from the Missouri Development Board as […]
Man Finds Fecal Landmine in Backyard
Springfield, MO—A local man found an explosive landmine in his backyard while mowing his lawn this past weekend. Justin Humble, of southern Springfield, claimed he hit the thin dog dirt grenade with his riding lawnmower, but didn’t realize it until several feet later. “Yeah, it was a minute before the effects took hold, I could […]
