All Entries Tagged With: "funny"
Bass Pro Opens Bass Amateur
Springfield, MO – According to sources, Bass Pro shops has opened a pilot store in town targeting those who are not quite comfortable with their outdoor skills. Bass Amateur, or BassAm, is located on N. Campbell Avenue, next to the existing store. “BassAm is comfortable to me because I don’t have to pretend I know […]
CU “Colon Blow” Continues at SW 2 Power Plant
Springfield, MO—Attempts to clean out boiler pipes of any debris at the new Southwest 2 Power Plant have local residents snickering every time a steady hiss of steam erupts from the plant. “I guess the natural gas they are using in the boiler needs a way out, too bad it is so loud, like a […]
Jerry Jones Purchases Springfield Wolfpack
Springfield, MO – Hours after dismissing Wade Phillips as the Dallas Cowboys head coach, team owner Jerry Jones purchased the Springfield Wolfpack to replace his football team’s roster with players willing to show up and play in each game. Said Jones, “An in-season coaching change is not something I’ve done before, nor is a mid-season […]
Blunt Campaigns In Arizona
Springfield MO and Phoenix AZ-Senate hopeful Roy Blunt from Springfield Missouri is now running campaign ads showing how he is helping the people of Arizona, California, and Texas by leading the fight against illegal immigration. Tony Trueblood, Blunt’s senior political adviser, says that there is no motivation other than political emotion for Roy Blunt to […]
Long and Eckersley to Rock’em Sock’em
Springfield, MO – With tensions elevating as the Nov. 2 election nears, Congressional candidate, Billy Long, has thrown down the gauntlet by challenging Scott Eckersley to a winner-take-all, three-round bout of Rock’em Sock’em Robots. “My wife found my old Rock’em Sock’ems while she was cleaning out the attic last week. With all this mudslinging going […]
City Residents To Get Porta-Potties
Springfield MO—In an effort to help the city of Springfield make money when people use the toilet, Porta-Potties will soon be in everyone’s front yards. “The city loses money every time someone flushes the toilet,” commented City Manager Greg Burris. “We did not want to dump on another tax increase to people even though we […]
MSU Receives TWI Alien Message On Lawn Art
Springfield, MO—MSU students received a message from aliens from the Altair solar system last night while hanging out at the giant space discs located at Grand and National Street. According to reports, the students were relaxing on what they considered works of art when they reportedly received thirteen 71 x 71 pixel images that included […]
“Siht-&-Stay” Opens at Kum & Go
Springfield, MO – Kum & Go, a national gasoline chain, published a press release detailing plans to open a new chain of dog training stores, the “Siht-&-Stay”. The idea struck a senior executive officer within the company when he decided to forego the company motto and stay at one of their stores for more than […]
FCN Employee Fired After Un-Funny Statement
Springfield MO - John Williams a 12 year employee of Fair City News was fired today for non funny statements made to a local television station. According to questionable sources John Williams was walking his dog in Phelps Grove Park when he was approached by a reporter from KOLR channel 10. The reporter asked him […]
Fire-Roasted Andy’s Custard Announced
Springfield, MO—Andy’s Frozen Custard is announcing a new custard blend following a roof fire to the East Sunshine location. According to sources, the Fire-Roasted Custard will be unveiled next week. The new treat starts with the secret recipe of milk, cream and sugar and features crushed chestnuts, several splashes of Tabasco Habanero pepper sauce, topped […]
Allergy Sufferers “Trumpet” Opening Of Botanical Center
Springfield, MO – The Springfield-Greene County Botanical Center opened this month to a resounding “AAAACHHHOOOOO.” The Center was dedicated Monday, October 11, 2010, to moderate applause and a large round of sneezing from allergy sufferers. Located at 2400 South Scenic, the facility features classroom space, a two-story atrium, gift shops, and a Butterfly House. The […]
7th District Hopefuls Have No Vote
Springfield MO—The voting records for all three candidates running for the 7th congressional house seat appears to be rare or non-existent. Each candidate has admitted for whatever reason, that they could not get out of bed and go vote on Election Day. Democrat Scott Eckersley has only voted twice in the past eight years. “Frankly, […]
McDonald’s Squawk Box Changes Voice
Nixa, MO—According to reports, a person with multiple personalities is working the drive thru at McDonald’s in Southwest Missouri. Leonard Hillary, a local customer, claims that every time he visits the McDonald’s located on HWY 14 near US 160 the person asking for his order uses two different voices. “I pulled up and this woman […]
Purple Burrito Serves Purple Burrito
Springfield, MO—In a surprising announcement, the Mexi-Cali restaurant Purple Burrito has announced that it will be promoting business by serving an actual purple-colored burrito. “Our customers have come to expect authentic Mexi-Cali fusion meals at Purple Burrito so we have decided to up the ante and create a new signature item that will blow people’s […]
Good Song Blamed for Speeding
Springfield, MO—On Tuesday, Jimmy Galtert of Republic, gave what he considered a reasonable explanation to his excessive speed heading west on Sunshine street: a really good song came on the radio. “So there I was in my 2003 Ford Focus when Guns and Roses’ Paradise City began to play on the radio. I immediately hit […]
