All Entries Tagged With: "Food"
Oxygen on Tap at Heritage Cafeteria
Springfield, MO – Diners can now enjoy free tableside oxygen at Springfield’s landmark cafeteria along with food steeped in tradition. The additional service is provided as an incentive to bring in more customers in the ultra-competitive restaurant scene. “We cater to an older generation of customers who appreciate extra details to enhance their experience. The […]
Hinese Food Offered in SGF
Springfield, MO – A local restaurant is offering a new cuisine that’s sure to be the butt of many jokes: Hinese food. Patrons are unsure if the food is intended to be ingested via the hiney or if the food being served is made from the hiney of an animal. “Yeah, sure I’d try me […]
MAN VISITS OZARK EMPIRE FAIR TO RAISE SELF ESTEEM
Springfield, MO — During the summer, locals visit the Ozark Empire Fair for a variety of reasons–to ride rides, watch concerts, or just to enjoy the classy Northside atmosphere. However, one Springfield resident found his own reason to visit the Fairgrounds this week. “I just needed an ego boost,” said Walt Richie, “I figured doing […]
Freistatt Distributes Beer to Prevent Grass Fires
FREISTATT, Mo. – The village of Freistatt is announcing a unique measure to help its own citizens prevent grass fires. The village will provide beer saved from last years’ Ernte-Fest to anyone living within a three-mile radius of Freistatt that has access to their own 3,000 to 5,000-gallon portable beer tank. Officials stress the beer […]
Brat Hut Looks to Add Shaking Bratwurst to Shack Top
Springfield, MO – Local brat-shop Bratwurst Hutte plans to add an enormous shaking traffic stopper to their location on East Battlefield road soon. Several options include a very large sausage, a gyrating bratwurst or several big hot dogs bundled together to draw attention from drivers traversing Battlefield road. According to Pineapple Whip employee Kale McFritters, […]
“You’re Gonna Like The Way I Cook” – Men’s Wearhouse Guy
Springfield, MO – Several diners around town identified the Men’s Wearhouse Guy having dinner around town this week, trying to impress people with his various ways of saying “You’re gonna like the way I…” to many people. “I was eating dinner at Metro and this grey-bearded man walked up to me and said ‘You’re gonna […]
Pork ‘n Lines to Replace Rock ‘n Ribs
Springfield, MO – In order to better define what the Rock n’ Ribs visitor experience is officials have renamed the local benefit for the 2013 event to Pork n’ Lines. According to people who went to the event, no ribs were actually served and the lines and lines of people were long enough to be […]
Beer Tank Swim at Brew Co!
Springfield, MO – To celebrate beer, the Springfield Brewing Company is selling raffle tickets for a 15-minute swim in their beer tanks this week. The tickets are prices at $40 and all proceeds go toward the “Help a White Man Dance” foundation. Participants are excited at the opportunity to actually swim in beer. “Hellz yez, […]
Farmer’s Market Throw-Down
Springfield, MO – GSFM has thrown down the gauntlet, tripped and stabbed themselves in the grass-fed heart following a unanimous decision among a limited group of short-sighted members (about 3 people). Following a closed vote where members were not allowed to voice their opinion, GSFM dictated that anyone wanting to participate in the Farmers Market […]
Pink Pony, Purple Burrito Collide: Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito Formed
Springfield, MO – In a strange and unexplained coincidence the Pink Pony and Purple Burrito have merged forces to produce a Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito available this week to the Ozarks. The Pink-ish-Purple Pony Burrito is a hybrid. Part food, part food porn, the 215-pound edible monstrosity comes complete with a stripper jumping out of the […]
Dillons Nervous About Neighboring Hy-Vee’s Customer Service, Specialty Foods and Giant Rooftop Artillery Cannon
Springfield, MO- With the Hy-Vee grocery store opening across the street, Dillons Super Store is nervous about the competition and being blown out of existence by a giant rooftop mounted artillery cannon. Hy-Vee is an upscale grocery store lauded for their customer service and unique specialty foods. Also they have a cannon on their […]
Fall Postponed To Late November
Springfield, MO- Due to numerous set backs and mistakes Autumn will be coming months later than usual. The ridiculous heat and humidity will continue until after Thanksgiving. The delay is contributed to many factors. The cooler weather was lost in the mail due to a shipping error. The order form for yellow, red, and […]
Cheddar’s Provides Unforgettable Dining Experience from Hell
Springfield, MO—A local family seeking a comfortable lunch was thrust into a nightmare dining hell this Sunday while attempting to dine casually at Cheddar’s. “I really was looking forward to having a nice lunch with the in-laws to cap off the weekend. I had no idea that it would be the most memorable dining […]
Food Plate Reveals Future of Food
Springfield, MO—The release of the new USDA Food Plate has Ozarkers excited for the future of cuisine. The 20-year-old Food Pyramid featured photographs of foods, while the new Food Plate shows futuristic foods arranged on a plate in geometric shapes. “I’m so excited that the government released this new guide. Now we’re ready to […]
Slow Foods Featured at Moxie
Springfield, MO—To celebrate Earth Day, Slow Foods of Southwest Missouri is hosting two movies at the Moxie Cinema tonight, however Moxie management insists that the theatre food is indeed served quickly. “No, no, you see there are two movies, Fresh and The Vanishing of the Bees that are dealing with the slow food movement. It […]
