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Greene County Emergency Services Readies for Worldwide Boobquake Hysteria
By Snawt T. Buble Springfield, MO—Preparing for the worst but hoping for the best, Greene County Emergency Management (GCEM) personnel are taking no chances as the world readies for the possibility of an enormous boobquake. Predicted by an Iranian cleric and amateur seismologist Sedighi, boobquakes are known to happen when women show too much cleavage. […]
Groundhog Day Celebrated via Rotisserie
Springfield, MO—Thousands of Ozarkers will celebrate Groundhog Day by feasting upon the weather-predicting varmint. Chewy yet nutritious, the humble groundhog has been feeding families in the area for decades. “Used to be we have to go out hunting for the animal, now-a-days we can find them along a side of the road or hiding under […]
January Horoscopes
Fair City News is proud to present monthly horoscopes to help readers navigate life’s hills and valleys. Zodiac icons designed by Aaron Thweatt Dose: Super P wholesale sildenafil Force is just powerful when joined with sexual incitement. It is on the top most priority becomes soft cialis mastercard getting rid of impotence. Whenever the balance […]
Nixa Beckons the Internet Fairy
Nixa, MO—The City of Nixa hopes to get commercial high-grade internet service by installing internet fiber lines provided by the internet fairy. Currently, all members of the city council have written letters to the internet fairy asking for the speedy gift of transmitting large files, super-fast emails and quick screen load times. This idea started […]
Local Conservative Can’t Believe He Has Twitter Writer’s Block on Beer Summit
Ozark, MO—On Tuesday afternoon, President Obama, Henry Gates, and the police officer who arrested Mr. Gates sat down at the White House for the so called “Beer Summit.” The event, which was intended to help quell tensions over the arrest and alleged racial prejudices, also created a massive spike in conservative blog and Twitter postings. […]
