All Entries Tagged With: "education"
Snuggies Allowed in R-12 Classrooms
Springfield MO - In an effort to reduce energy costs in the Springfield public schools, all teachers will be wearing the popular “Snuggie” in the classroom. “We recently sent out a memorandum stating that due to high energy consumption, personal space heaters, coffee makers, refrigerators, popcorn makers, and microwave ovens will no longer be allowed […]
Bed Bugs Bite; MSU Tuck-Ins Awesome
Springfield, MO—Missouri State University is addressing a growing pest concern by offering a “tuck-in” service for all students who are fighting with bed bugs. According to sources, a residence advisor will visit dorm rooms that are reporting pest problems, tuck each student into bed and recite the phrase, “sleep tight, don’t let the bed bugs […]
Cup Thesis In Bridge’s Wire Fence
Springfield, MO – A local Missouri State University graduate student has been trying to complete his Master’s thesis for years now, and the end is not in sight. Dean Crayley has been a student at MSU for 20 years, 16 of which have been spent in pursuit of his graduate thesis. “I have the whole […]
Nixa Athletics Logo to Change
Nixa, MO—Given the close proximity to the Philadelphia Eagles existing logo, the Nixa school district is considering new unique designs to avoid any legal ramifications. After an exhaustive search online, several new designs have been identified. The public is welcome to vote for their favorite design here. “Our current logo was designed by a person […]
Dr. Brad Bradshaw Adds “Ninja” To Ever Expanding Title
Springfield, MO—Dr. Brad Bradshaw can now claim to be a licensed physician, surgeon, lawyer and ninja. Dr. Bradshaw graduated from medical school, possesses surgical training, specialized training in Internal Medicine and Psychiatry and has received certification in Clinical Obstetrics from Harvard Medical School. However, his newest accolade bestows legendary abilities including invisibility, walking on water, […]
MSU to Sell JQH Arena, Cut Majors
Springfield, MO—In a bid to secure funding for 2010, Missouri State University president Michael Neitzel plans to sell university assets, the first to go is JQH arena. Said Neitzel, “I’m having our finance department run the numbers and we can get quite a bit of chump change for that airplane hangar on our campus.” When […]
MSU Receives Geek Grant for $248,000 Microscope
Springfield, MO—Biology, physics and chemistry geeks at Missouri State University “flipped their collective shiz-nit” upon learning they received a grant from the National Science Foundation to pay for a $248,350 microscope. Purchase of a state-of-the-art confocal microscopy system will occur during the fall semester. Upon hearing the news, MSU President Michael T. Nietzel said, “we […]
Crosslines Offers Mohawks for Middle Schoolers
Springfield, MO—The back-to-school event, “Mohawks for Middle Schoolers”, kicks into its 11th annual celebration today. Greene County children who will or currently attend a middle school are eligible to receive the hairstyle. Several dozen stylists will contribute their time and services to provide the mainstream fashion hairstyle free of charge. “The Mohawk is often dyed […]
MSU Student Welcome ‘Package’ Features Condom
Springfield, MO—A controversial welcome ‘package’ was sent to thousands of potential Missouri State University students recently. The student mailer included condoms and an ad for a sexually erotic store. Parents are outraged. The packet included condoms from Planned Parenthood and a $15 coupon for the erotic Adam & Eve store. It was sent to an […]
MSU Drops “M” From Name
MSU proposed name change to SU Jefferson City – The president of Missouri State University, Dr. Michael T. Nietzel, said he proposed last week that the University of Missouri support a name change for his institution and discussed enhancing collaboration between the two universities. Support for the name change would coincide with the school’s centennial […]
