All Entries Tagged With: "comedy"
With Jails Full Springfield Plans “Escape From New York”/“Hunger Games”/”Battle Royale” Solution
Springfield, MO- With Springfield jails overcrowded and many jailers calling it quit, Mayor Jim Morris has a drastic play in place to both relieve the overcrowded prison system and tax payers’ pockets. It is dubbed: Escape Game Royale. Based on numerous movies the plan is simple: The Nature Center has been converted to an arena […]
Johnny Morris Made Mayor Of Springfield
Springfield, MO- With the news breaking of Johnny Morris, founder of Bass Pro, making the Forbes 400 list of richest people in the nation, Springfield has just decided to make him mayor of the city. “If he could turn a bait-and-tackle shop to a multimillion dollar corporation, what will he be able to do with […]
Army Corps Refuses Rain Water for Table Rock Lake
Branson, MO – The U.S. Army Corps of Engineers announced Friday that its agreements to run Table Rock Lake, including acceptance of rain water, was beyond the scope of the Corps’ authority. Tours of Table Rock Dam have been canceled, as have any natural collections of rain water, but all other recreation areas on the […]
Ozark Homes Now Feature Dream “Meth Lab”
Springfield, MO- After a meth lab was discovered during a rental house visit, many Springfield contractors are hatching schemes to pursue the much sought after “high class meth dealer and connoisseur” clientele. Even though the renters, the agent, and owners of the house were mortified to find a meth lab under their stairs in the […]
Springfield to Build Own Coaster After Hearing About Branson’s Economic Boost
Springfield, MO- After learning about the estimated 8.5 million dollars that Silver Dollar’s City’s new roller coast gave to the Branson area, Springfield is bound and determined to create own coaster. “That thing brought in nearly 100,000 visitors,” said Springfield spokesman Ralph Saunders. “And it was just made out of wood. Can you imagine how […]
Urban Chickens Linked to Gang Violence
Nixa, MO – City officials are weighing a prickly bill that would allow urban chickens within the city limits, giving citizens easy access to fresh eggs, however, opponents are pointing to an increase in gang activity after The Springfield City Council approved an ordinance allowing urban chicken possession inside city limits after a 5-4 vote […]
Real Estate Boom in Greene Co. Jail
Springfield, MO – Most jails are not a place where room and board are sought after, however, the Greene County Jail is so overcrowded that a black market has developed within the jail house: crime lords are selling the space at a premium. Want a personal cell…expect to pay over $2,000/month for a one room, […]
Samurai Sword Assault Prompts Debate Over Samurai Sword Control
Springfield, MO- After the samurai sword assault that occurred on Wednesday (where a man attacked his friend after catching him in bed with his girlfriend) law makers are scrambling to create laws that will facilitate stricter regulations on the deadly blade. “This is serious,” says state senator Larry Forks. “Samurai sword violence has escalated 100% […]
Email Hackers Snatch Spamalot! Tickets
Springfield, MO – Ticket sales have improved thanks to dozens of email hacking groups purchasing large blocks of seats to the Springfield Little Theatre’s production of Spamalot!, opening this week. The show, a musical comedy “lovingly ripped off from” the 1975 film Monty Python and the Holy Grail, is a highly irreverent parody of the […]
Sink Hole Produces Giant Potato
Springfield, MO – A massive potato was uncovered from a sink hole near the intersection of Cox and Walnut Lawn on Tuesday. The unusual find was confirmed by City workers who had been securing the area since Monday. The potato reportedly near 6 tons and could produce 1.4 million French fries. Neighbors were shocked to […]
Mail-Order Bride Expo
Springfield, MO – This weekend saw a Mail-Order Bride section added to the popular event held at the Springfield Exposition Center on Saint Louis Street. Admission was $5.00 but purchasing a wife was much more expensive. “We’ve always wanted to enhance our bridal experience and this year we added several new bridal gowns, floral arrangements […]
Billboard Battle Fought with Billboard Ads!
Springfield, MO – Critics warning that proposed changes could lead to “hundreds and hundreds” of new billboards along local streets, and are taking that message to the very medium they are wishing to deter. “The billboard is a very effective medium for conveying a message, which is why we are constructing and acquiring space everywhere […]
