All Entries Tagged With: "comedy"
Springfield Cardinals to Play Nixa
Springfield, MO – In a community outreach program, the Springfield Cardinals will play a loosely assembled team fielded by the city of Nixa. The Nixa participants have been identified through a local talent search and include everyday people such as Lance Figaroo, a cable repairman. “I’ve always wanted to play on that field and now […]
Cold Hard Fusion Conference in Columbia
Columbia, MO — An international conference on low-energy nuclear reactions (LENR) will bring representatives from at least 30 countries to Columbia next week where committed researchers will attempt to gain recognition for cold fusion by infusing some hardcore inner city attitude. “We’re getting’ all Pons and Fleischmann on this process and we gonna generate some […]
Twinkie Booth Opens at Farmer’s Market
Springfield, MO – The Farmer’s Market of the Ozarks (F-MoO!) opened with a new booth this past week, one that features packaged goods including chips, snacks and HFCS-laced drinks. Over 100 vendors peddled home-grown veggies, hand-crafted jams and cheeses, natural meat even moonshine, but none garnered the attention of the “Twinkie booth”. Vender number 134 […]
Meth House of the Week
Springfield, MO – Cuddled away in a nice corner of town in a secluded neighborhood, the Mettleton’s home is this month’s featured meth house of the week. Containing a toxic stew of chemicals that have saturated walls, ceilings, floors and carpets with meth, mercury, lead, iodine, lithium and poisonous solvents, this home provides hints of […]
Steve Grant Raps to Kids at Rural Library
Aurora, MO – Expanding upon the “Steve Grant Reads to Kids” theme, local news anchor Steve Grant recently rapped to kids at the Aurora library giving them a taste of 80’s pop-lockin’ culture. The event is an extension of KY3 for Kids and was heavily attended by children aged 4 to forty four. Grant is […]
Roddick Plays Both Sides of Court: Wins/Defeats Self
Springfield, MO – During a Springfield Lasers exhibition match last night, former world number 1 American tennis player Andy Roddick took to both sides of the court to play against himself to the delight of the fans. “When he walked out we all applauded, then he went to serve and he was the only person […]
Judge Orders Brixey to Hand Over Compact Discs
Springfield, MO – A federal judge on Monday approved a preliminary order of forfeiture against Mark Brixey, the former bookstore director at Missouri State University who stole $1.16 million, that requires Brixey to hand over 12 compact discs he has at his house. The judge ordered Brixey to hand over 12 of his most-prized CDs […]
Fireworks Stand Changes Name to Responsible Randy’s
Springfield, MO – After operating for several years as Crazy Carl’s Fireworks, a recent tent fire has prompted ownership to reconsider the stand’s brand and change its name to Responsible Randy’s Fireworks. The new name is expected to stand alone in a field of stands carrying monikers such as “Crazy”, “Wild” and “Socially Irresponsible” Fireworks. […]
Staudte’s Served Gatorade in Slammer
Springfield, MO – According to prison guards, Diane and Sarah Staudte are only being offered Gatorade to drink while they await their day in court for the poisoning deaths of Mark and Shaun Staudte and the attempted murder of Rachel Staudte. One inmate, Gail Shives, said, “I was angered when I heard that some inmates […]
Aerialist to Night-Walk From Hammons to Heer’s
Springfield, MO – According to publicized reports, world-renown aerialist Nik Wallenda will attempt a death-defying stunt at night by walking over a 2-inch-thick steel cable stretched from the Heer’s Building to the Hammons Tower this summer. The Springfield stunt was preceeded by a tightrope warm-up walk across a gorge near the Grand Canyon broadcast before […]
Circus Elephant Granted CCW After Drive-By Shooting
Willard, MO – After a drive-by shooting in Mississippi, a circus elephant is now traveling after securing a conceal and carry permit. Two months after being injured in a drive-by shooting, Carol, a 39-year-old Asian elephant hopes to be performing soon. While spending several weeks recovering at a Ringling Bros. and Barnum & Bailey […]
Walmart Eyes Heer’s Building for WalTower
Springfield, MO – Following a legal battle over the near-downtown location of a proposed Walmart Neighborhood store at Grand and Campbell, Walmart officials are now targeting expansion into the historic Heer’s Building on the square. “The building has seen several attempts at development. We are proposing the world’s first multi-story Walmart facility. The high-rise Walmart […]
