All Entries in the "Politics" Category
Premonition Turns Into Really, Really Bad Idea
Springfield, MO—In a unfortunate moment of recognition John Yettaw, the Falcon Freestyler, came to realize that his otherworldly premonition was actually a really, really bad idea. The thought came to him after he landed at Springfield-Branson National Airport, starting the final leg of his return home on Wednesday. “If I had it to do all […]
McCaskill To Be Burned At The Stake
Springfield MO- Claire McCaskill, a Democratic senator representing Missouri, is set to be burned at the stake in her next scheduled town hall meeting. The town hall meeting will be held at Missouri State University in Strong Hall room 100 and all are welcomed to attend. After initial questioning, mostly focusing on President Obama‘s health […]
Local Conservative Can’t Believe He Has Twitter Writer’s Block on Beer Summit
Ozark, MO—On Tuesday afternoon, President Obama, Henry Gates, and the police officer who arrested Mr. Gates sat down at the White House for the so called “Beer Summit.” The event, which was intended to help quell tensions over the arrest and alleged racial prejudices, also created a massive spike in conservative blog and Twitter postings. […]
Empire Adopted Highway Renamed for Rebel Alliance Leader Admiral Ackbar
Springfield, MO—It started in October with a crude but effective public relations move by members of the dark side, officially called the Springfield Unit of the Galactic Empire. Exercising their First Amendment rights, they succeeded in getting MoDOT to let them erect a sign for their group along West Bypass, between Sunshine and Farm Road […]
Nixa Alderman Deny Judicial System
NIXA, MO—At least two city aldermen are calling for the town’s mayor to resign as soon as possible. Mayor Brian Hayes faces charges of driving while intoxicated and has yet to be found guilty of breaking any laws. Aldermen Michael Durbin and Kevin Elmer say Hayes needs to step down so a new mayor, or […]
Former Governor Plows Over Defenseless Citizen
Springfield police issued a ticket to former Missouri Governor Matt Blunt Monday evening for failing to yield. Police say Blunt was traveling southbound on Kickapoo Avenue when he stopped for a stop sign at Cherry Street. Police say as Blunt pulled into the intersection, a scooter struck his Ford Explorer. “Wow. That’s not cool. I […]
Firefighters, Police To Sell CU To Highest Bidder
Springfield—Local fire and police officials have decided to sell City Utilities to fund the Police-Fire Pension Fund. “Well, it just sitting there. Nobody is using it” said Fire Chief Doug Dorman. “Everyone just started looking around the city for things to sell and we found a few old desks, an old fire truck we used […]
MO Legislature Session Is Out!
Missouri Legislators recently wrapped up this year’s lawmaking session in Jefferson City. Last Friday was hectic day in the House as Representatives had to rush into some of this year’s most important issues such as cleaning out lockers, signing yearbooks and saying goodbye to friends. Late Friday afternoon, a big sigh of relief came from […]
Moore, Everyone’s Brother announce bid for U.S. Representative
Three-term Greene County Prosecutor Darrell Moore on Thursday unveiled his bid to represent southwest Missouri in Congress, as did Everyone’s Brother. With the announcement, Moore, 51, officially joined an already-crowded group of candidates vying for Missouri’s 7th Congressional District seat, currently occupied by U.S. Rep. Roy Blunt, R-Springfield. Blunt began a campaign early this year […]
City Council Seat Filled by Malph Ranley
Springfield—Mayor Jim O’Neal announced yesterday that a replacement has been selected for the City Council Zone 3 seat vacated earlier this month. “It is my pleasure to announce our newest Councilman Mr. Malph Ranley,” said O’Neal, “Mr. Ranley is a longtime volunteer, a civic leader who will be known for his enthusiasm for the city […]
Gov’t Considers Purchasing Gov’t Land with Gov’t Grant
Cape Girardeau—An island sitting in the Mississippi River south of Cape Girardeau could soon be the latest addition to the Missouri Department of Conservation’s landholdings…woohoo! The department is considering buying Marquette Island, an 835-acre island covered in cottonwoods, willow and sand, which was formed from silt deposited by the U.S. Army Corps of Engineers from […]
Protester Embarrassed At Tea Party
Springfield—Louie Higgs attended a political rally on Tuesday dressed as Mr. T, horribly mistaking the intent of the gathering. Higgs came decked with several gold chains, a fresh mo-hawk, gold rings and a sign that read “I pity the fool who don’t love the USA”. Immediately upon arrival he felt that something was amiss. Higgs […]
90% of Greene County Voters Give Finger to Democracy
Ten percent minority to make decisions for all. Springfield, MO – A good majority of registered voters are expected to ignore Tuesday’s Greene County elections. “Well, we’ve had an increase in the felon population over the past few months,” County Clerk Richard Struckhoff indicated Saturday “and a good majority of registered voters simply don’t give […]
