All Entries in the "Living" Category
Muslims Build Buddhist Statue in Ozarks
Springfield, MO – According to members of the Bible Belt, Muslims have infiltrated God’s country and constructed a 12-ton Buddha statue in Northwest Springfield. “The insult is only compounded by the inability to differentiate Abrahamic religions from other religions,” said one source close to the Dinh Quang Buddhist Temple, “we study Buddhism not Islam”. “Oh […]
Brat Hut Looks to Add Shaking Bratwurst to Shack Top
Springfield, MO – Local brat-shop Bratwurst Hutte plans to add an enormous shaking traffic stopper to their location on East Battlefield road soon. Several options include a very large sausage, a gyrating bratwurst or several big hot dogs bundled together to draw attention from drivers traversing Battlefield road. According to Pineapple Whip employee Kale McFritters, […]
Greene County Health Inspectors Saves Day Again
Springfield, MO- Citizens of the busy metropolis know has Springfield can once again breath easy thanks to the vigilance of Health Inspectors. The group of heroes has been thwarting schemes of various organizations since their founding in 1953. Their first leader, war-hero Rex Kingshot, formed the group after a fallen, radioactive meteor granted him the […]
Nuns Hospitalized for Heat Exhaustion at Non-Bikini Car Wash
Springfield, MO- Three nuns were hospitalized yesterday when an ill-planned fundraiser went totally awry. The nuns where brought in for heat exhaustion after washing numerous cars in their full nun attire (habits). Due to the excesses heat, humidity, and modesty the nuns faced dehydration as well as numerous other problems. “We just wanted to make […]
Success of Hearing Museum on C-Street Spawns New Sensory Museums
Springfield, MO – Tucked away on E. Commercial Street for years, the History of Hearing Museum has been a go to place for aural enthusiasts, from those with hearing-aids to music audio-philes. The gallery contains a treasure trove of hearing technology from by-gone eras. While some may be confused by its name, the History of […]
“You’re Gonna Like The Way I Cook” – Men’s Wearhouse Guy
Springfield, MO – Several diners around town identified the Men’s Wearhouse Guy having dinner around town this week, trying to impress people with his various ways of saying “You’re gonna like the way I…” to many people. “I was eating dinner at Metro and this grey-bearded man walked up to me and said ‘You’re gonna […]
Precocious Kids Save DARE Program Through “Baked” Sale
Polk County, MO- Due to budget cuts the anti-drug DARE program seemed to be doomed, but thanks to local kids, the program may have new life. Students from all over the Polk County area lent a helping hand to the program by selling numerous baked goods with a special ingredient. “Love,” said 10 year old […]
Pork ‘n Lines to Replace Rock ‘n Ribs
Springfield, MO – In order to better define what the Rock n’ Ribs visitor experience is officials have renamed the local benefit for the 2013 event to Pork n’ Lines. According to people who went to the event, no ribs were actually served and the lines and lines of people were long enough to be […]
Earthlings Overlook Earth Day
Springfield, MO – Most people overlooked the Earth Day celebration in the Ozarks however many took specific actions to impact their direct effect on our local ecosystem. Loni Urtangers said, “I thought long and hard while I showered for 2 hours trying to come up with something I could do to better the environment, then […]
Facial Follicle Fashion Competition This Weekend!
Springfield, MO – For those fascinated with facial follicle fashion, get ready to face some serious competition! Competitors from around the Ozarks are gathering at Patton Alley Pub this Saturday to prove that their genetic coding has superior follicle frolicking. Queen City Beards hosts the event and expects several male and female entries this year. […]
Horrifying 100-year-old Branson Prophecies Come True At Centennial
Branson, MO- Horror and mayhem came to a head yesterday when the ancient 100-year-old prophecies of Branson’s demise came true. Creatures arose from Marvel Cavern, a sea beast attacked the Landing, and ghosts appearing throughout the 76 strip. The prophecy was first foretold by a hillbilly witch doctor named Cthulhu, living in the woods who […]
