All Entries in the "Living" Category
Alien Enjoys Zoo’s Spooktacular
Springfield, Mo – Dickerson Park Zoo confirmed the existence of alien life forms this week as one landed and participated in the annual Halloween Spooktacular celebration. After enjoying the event, the intergalactic visitor applied to become a Friend of the Zoo (FOZ). During the opening night, several attendees mentioned a fantastic “fake” UFO crash landing […]
Electronic Street Signs Increasingly Directed at One Man
Springfield, MO – When the City of Springfield first installed digital signs along major streets within the city they announced that they would display messages helpful to the general public. City Manager Greg Burris said at the time, “The signs allow us to communicate safe driving tips as well as traffic information that may help […]
Area Libraries Hold Tolkien Festival Because Libraries Are Simply Not Dorky Enough
Springfield, MO- With Springfield Public Libraries’ dork levels at an all time low, many library administers are pulling out all the stops to re-nerdify the sacred geeky haven. After many failed attempts such as a Star Trek fan fiction night and Dr. Who poetry readings, the powers at be decided a Tolkien Festival will be […]
Flavored Meth Featured at Taste of Springfield
Springfield, MO – Native cuisines will be featured at SW Missouri’s growing festival, Taste of Springfield, this weekend downtown on the square. One specific booth will feature a recipe widely regarded as more popular than Chef David Leong’s cashew chicken: methamphetamines. The flavored meth booth will be one of 25-30 local restaurant exhibitors, cooking technique […]
Fifth Andy’s Location Creates Insidious Pentagram around Springfield
Springfield, MO- With the prophesied fifth Andy’s location opening in the next several days many Springfieldians are worried about the ominous symbol that is created when you connect all the locations of the fame ice cream shops. By putting dots on the map of Springfield over Andy’s locations, a pentagram can be seen that encases […]
Remington’s: Moms Shop for Kid’s Clothes Where They Were Once Knocked Up
Springfield, MO – Moms who were knocked up by visiting Remington’s Nightclub were back recently to buy clothing for the children they birthed from relationships forged at the former country and western bar and dance club. “I never thought I’d have a building grow with me but Remington’s has done just that. When I was […]
Springfield Public Schools Bans “Emo Hairstyle” Do To Hair Related Injuries
Springfield, MO- A new dangerous hair style has found its way to Springfield and administration has taken steps to combat the damage. Having bangs over one or both eyes (also know as Emo bangs) has caused numerous injuries including: falling down stairs, tripping over own laces, and running straight into lockers. “We are on this […]
Walnut Street Ghost Worried About Younger, Cooler Ghost
Springfield,MO- The Springfield Land Mark Board will consider the demolition of two historical homes in East Walnut to make room for apartments, effectively leaving many senior ghost homeless. The older ghost, who have been haunting the properties for years are doing everything in their power to keep their homes. But, they know with changing times […]
Springfield Up in Smoke
Springfield, MO – Springfield’s city council voted to pass an ordinance that would minimize the penalty for marijuana possession this week, opening the door to smoke-outs, ganja jungles, blunt block parties and year-round bud seasons. When asked about the measure, city council members used numerous mentions of “man”, “like” and “dude” while answering reporter questions, […]
Rountree Neighborhood Welcomes New Noises, Dangers
Springfield, MO – Based on feedback from a recent neighborhood association meeting, homeowners have unanimously approved the addition of several noisy and dangerous neighborhood garnishes. An outdoor concert venue, nightly fireworks displays, a shooting range, one quarter mile NHRA dragster track, and a new space shuttle launch pad will all be added by the end […]
Backwoods Hillbillies Enjoy Classy Moonshine Tasting
Springfield, MO- When the sunset light lingers and the fireflies brighten the twilight sky, the noble Ozarkian Hillbilly (heartier and more dark-haired than their Appalachian cousins) gather to jig, laugh, and taste nature’s sweetest elixir: moonshine. Every summer, eight of the greatest Hillbilly clans meet to share their finest alcoholic concoctions. “Hmm, yes,” says […]
