All Entries in the "Living" Category
Artwalk’s Blazin’ Brownies are N.O.R.M.L.
Springfield, MO—The Springfield, Missouri branch of The National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws served baked brownies Friday night during Artwalk. Passer-bys were greeted with friendly smiles at the booth and occasional outbursts of chuckles. A spokesperson for the group said, “Through this bake sale we hope to spread awareness of our cause, and […]
Workout Clothes Make Man Look Fat
Springfield, MO—While dressing to prepare for a workout at the south side YMCA, local man Kurt Tressel said, “these workout clothes make me look fat”. Looking fat and feeling fat the man traveled to the workout center in his automobile early Friday morning. While resting his breakfast of champions little black donut package on his […]
H1N1: the New Black Plague
Springfield, MO—The Springfield-Greene County Health Department’s released this week’s health update yesterday. The Fight the Flu Web site has new documents on influenza and asthma, as well as “What to do When you Think You Have the Flu.” The H1N1 update is below. All people who are suspected of having the swine flu, or H1N1, […]
Hot Chick at ICON Actually Waving to Guy Behind Local Dude
Springfield, MO—Jeremy Childress, local telemarketer, attended ICON Nightclub on Saturday night. Midway through the evening, a hot chick with awesome blonde hair and a short pink dress waved in Childress’ direction. Childress responded by slyly peeking behind him, then twice pointing a finger at his chest while mouthing, “Me?” Surprised, but assured that she was […]
Medieval Times Find New Home In Classic Location
Springfield, MO—A taste of the Middle Ages is coming to the Ozarks, housed in a classic building with a long and storied past. In October, Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament will occupy the space formerly used by casual dining tenant Steak and Ale Restaurants. The parent company of Steak & Ale filed for chapter 7 […]
Riverside Inn to Reopen at Side of River
Ozark, MO—Riverside Inn, a staple of Ozark history known for Mary Ellen Marley’s fried chicken recipe and Finley River location, will soon be torn down and relocated to another river side location. Federal Emergency Management Agency granted Christian County a $1.17 million flood mitigation grant to buy — and demolish — the 86-year-old restaurant. “$1.17 […]
McCaskill Forum Solves Healthcare Issues
Springfield, MO—During a town hall meeting in downtown Springfield, Missouri Sen. Claire McCaskill solved a proposed government-run health insurance plan with the help of well-spoken, vocal citizens at the historic Gilloiz theater. “I came to the conclusion that we could offer a program that would satisfy the needs of everyone in attendance. I cannot wait […]
Drive-Thru Medicine Now On Value Menu
Branson, MO—Skaggs Regional Medical Center in Branson has scheduled drive-through flu shot clinics beginning Sept. 26. Those seeking medical attention need only drive their car through the medicinal markers, place their order via the two-way speaker and proceed to the first window to pay, then to the second window to receive treatment. “It was really […]
Man at Fair Deep Fried, Eaten
Springfield, MO—Jeffery Green, a local accountant, met with tragedy yesterday at the Ozark Empire Fair when he was accidently battered, fried, and quickly devoured by local fair attendees. The feeding frenzy was so quick no one was identified or charged. The fair apologized to Green’s family and offered them a stuffed gorilla and a White […]
No Fear for Fare at Fair
Springfield, MO—Carnies and foodies will unite this weekend at the Ozark Empire Fair after safety inspections clear the way for vendors and their fare. Local fair food enthusiast Gumby Fritzle has volunteered to walk the fair grounds sampling foods throughout the event, and will be dubbed the Public Snacking Officer. Says Fritzle, “I did this […]
Residents Urged Not to Handle Fire, etc.
Strafford, MO—Health officials are warning people not to handle fire, broken glass, hazardous material, dirty needles, poison or unknown chemicals after “pretty dancing lights” burned two Strafford area residents when they tried to grasp the illumination, otherwise known as “flames from a fire” last week. The Springfield-Greene County Health Department would like to remind area […]
Thankfully, Business and Tourism Protected at Lake of the Ozarks
OSAGE BEACH, MO—A state agency acknowledges it withheld a report for four weeks that showed the Lake of the Ozarks had E. coli above safe levels. Fortunately, The Missouri Department of Natural Resources withheld the report around Memorial Day due to concern that the release would hurt tourism and businesses around the lake. “Thankfully, the […]
Ozarks Tanning Salon Adds Biopsy Service
Springfield—When customers started canceling their appointments to “get that thing looked at,” David Hutch saw an opportunity. “My clientele is very busy with the lake, performances, etc., and they need a one-stop solution for all their tanning and cancer screening needs,” states Hutch. The new service, now available at his four Tan Aura locations, allows […]
Domino’s Pizza Delivered By QuikDine
Springfield—George Thimbert totally had pizza delivered by QuikDine delivery service on Wednesday. When approached for comment Thimbert said, “well, I, uh, was jonsing for a pizza so I called the delivery service and asked them to deliver it to me. Because I was, like, hungry.” A QuikDine representative said QuikDine, a Springfield, Missouri enterprise and […]
Andy’s Last Frozen Custard Stand
Springfield, MO—Andy’s Frozen Custard has scrapped plans to build in the sacred lands of Montana’s Black Hills at Little Bighorn. After long planning sessions and months of negotiations the U.S. Department of the Interior pulled the plug on the project late last night. “The Northern Plains Indians way of life really leaned toward shaved ice […]
