All Entries in the "Food" Category
Local Man Outraged Sushi House Won’t Prepare Cheeseburger
Springfield, MO – Ozark resident Jim Stancil left Nakato’s Japanese Steakhouse irate after the chef refused to prepare a cheeseburger for Stancil’s picky daughter. Stancil was planning a special anniversary dinner when co-worker Bill Timson suggested he take his wife to Nakato’s. Stancil said, “Bill told me this place was romantic or some crap like […]
Groundhog Day Celebrated via Rotisserie
Springfield, MO—Thousands of Ozarkers will celebrate Groundhog Day by feasting upon the weather-predicting varmint. Chewy yet nutritious, the humble groundhog has been feeding families in the area for decades. “Used to be we have to go out hunting for the animal, now-a-days we can find them along a side of the road or hiding under […]
Emoticons Break Harsh Reality of Fortune Cookie Messages
Ozark, MO—A local Chinese restaurant is using emoticons to break unfortunate fortune cookie messages to customers. Several diners at the River Dragon on Highway 14 in Ozark were introduced to the new after dinner traditional snack and had mixed emotions. “’:) You make a bad day worse :)’ was my awful message when I cracked […]
Couple Sneaks Extra Breadsticks into Doggie Bag at Olive Garden
Springfield, MO—A discreet couple smoothly inserted three leftover breadsticks into their Styrofoam take home box Monday evening without raising suspicions among Olive Garden wait staff at Glenstone and Erie streets in the Queen City. Doris and Henry Norton enjoyed a lavish feast of chicken scampi and chicken Alfredo respectively and just received their boxed leftovers […]
Sonic Releases “Meth Menu” In Missouri
Cape Girardeau, MO—Seeking to steal share from the QSR burger industry, a Sonic restaurant employee developed a stimulating and illegal menu of methamphetamine infused menu items. The new Meth Menu debut was halted by police who were called to the store in Missouri in the wee hours on Thursday morning. The shift manager, 22-year-old Dennis […]
Riverside Inn’s Ghost Steals, Returns Painting
Ozark, MO—Local haunt Howard Garrison played a final prank on the owners of the Riverside Inn this week by removing belongings from the restaurant. One painting, “View From the Ava Jail” was reported stolen on Sunday, then reappeared on Wednesday. The art was created by Garrison while he was incarcerated in the Douglas County Jail […]
Show Us Your Teats: Milk Farm Busted
Conway, MO—Last week an undercover sting operation nabbed two crooked felonious outlaws hawking a controlled substance: raw milk. The milk maids nabbed in the months-long operation are charged with the reprehensible crime of selling “raw milk” to two undercover investigators on the parking lot of a Mama Jean’s natural food market. Armand and Teddi Bechard […]
Cashew Turkey Unveiled For Thanksgiving
Springfield, MO—This Thanksgiving several restaurants in the Ozarks will feature a new holiday treat, cashew turkey. This offering consists of a simple Chinese-American dish that combines breaded deep-fried turkey, cashews, and a thick gravy sauce. Side options include a cranberry dipping sauce or mashed potatoes. Several leading chefs, from bygone restaurants such as Leong’s Tea […]
Black-Eyed Kids Eat Free at Incredible Pizza
Springfield, MO—America’s Incredible Pizza Company, located at 2850 S. Campbell Avenue, has announced that all Black-Eyed Kids eat free every Tuesday from 5-10 pm. A new Black-Eyed Kids buffet menu has been implemented and executives hope that the new promotion will provide a safe place for the BEK to find ample nourishment. “The Missouri Ozarks […]
Artwalk’s Blazin’ Brownies are N.O.R.M.L.
Springfield, MO—The Springfield, Missouri branch of The National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws served baked brownies Friday night during Artwalk. Passer-bys were greeted with friendly smiles at the booth and occasional outbursts of chuckles. A spokesperson for the group said, “Through this bake sale we hope to spread awareness of our cause, and […]
Medieval Times Find New Home In Classic Location
Springfield, MO—A taste of the Middle Ages is coming to the Ozarks, housed in a classic building with a long and storied past. In October, Medieval Times Dinner & Tournament will occupy the space formerly used by casual dining tenant Steak and Ale Restaurants. The parent company of Steak & Ale filed for chapter 7 […]
Riverside Inn to Reopen at Side of River
Ozark, MO—Riverside Inn, a staple of Ozark history known for Mary Ellen Marley’s fried chicken recipe and Finley River location, will soon be torn down and relocated to another river side location. Federal Emergency Management Agency granted Christian County a $1.17 million flood mitigation grant to buy — and demolish — the 86-year-old restaurant. “$1.17 […]
Man at Fair Deep Fried, Eaten
Springfield, MO—Jeffery Green, a local accountant, met with tragedy yesterday at the Ozark Empire Fair when he was accidently battered, fried, and quickly devoured by local fair attendees. The feeding frenzy was so quick no one was identified or charged. The fair apologized to Green’s family and offered them a stuffed gorilla and a White […]
No Fear for Fare at Fair
Springfield, MO—Carnies and foodies will unite this weekend at the Ozark Empire Fair after safety inspections clear the way for vendors and their fare. Local fair food enthusiast Gumby Fritzle has volunteered to walk the fair grounds sampling foods throughout the event, and will be dubbed the Public Snacking Officer. Says Fritzle, “I did this […]
Domino’s Pizza Delivered By QuikDine
Springfield—George Thimbert totally had pizza delivered by QuikDine delivery service on Wednesday. When approached for comment Thimbert said, “well, I, uh, was jonsing for a pizza so I called the delivery service and asked them to deliver it to me. Because I was, like, hungry.” A QuikDine representative said QuikDine, a Springfield, Missouri enterprise and […]
