All Entries in the "Food" Category
Merle’s introduces the “Thanksgiving Dinner Dog”
Springfield MO – In the spirit of the holiday season, Merle’s Hot Dog Emporium has introduced an all-new hot dog that combines all of your holiday favorites. The Thanksgiving Dinner Dog is a turkey hot dog served on two dinner rolls and topped with stuffing, cranberry sauce, and gravy. Local Foodie Charles Nelson Romanowski declared, […]
Missouri Farmers Start Elderberry Craze with “What the Hell is An Elderberry Festival”
Springfield, MO – Trying to start new enthusiasm for elderberries, local farmers are headlining a new festival to celebrate the Missouri fruit. The “What the Hell is An Elderberry Festival” will show Missourians all the great uses of elderberries as well as what the hell they are. The many booths will be entitled “Elderberry Wine,” […]
Fire-Roasted Andy’s Custard Announced
Springfield, MO—Andy’s Frozen Custard is announcing a new custard blend following a roof fire to the East Sunshine location. According to sources, the Fire-Roasted Custard will be unveiled next week. The new treat starts with the secret recipe of milk, cream and sugar and features crushed chestnuts, several splashes of Tabasco Habanero pepper sauce, topped […]
Old Law/New Day Help Chicken Owners
Springfield MO—People that finally got the approval to have chickens in the city limits got an additional bonus with the discovery of an old Springfield law that gives chicken owners the right to hang chicken thieves without a trail or due process of law. The law written in 1830′s is still on the books and […]
Purple Burrito Serves Purple Burrito
Springfield, MO—In a surprising announcement, the Mexi-Cali restaurant Purple Burrito has announced that it will be promoting business by serving an actual purple-colored burrito. “Our customers have come to expect authentic Mexi-Cali fusion meals at Purple Burrito so we have decided to up the ante and create a new signature item that will blow people’s […]
Taco Truck Aroma Distracts Drivers
Springfield, MO—The Taco Wagon II at Glenstone and Sunshine has reportedly caused several motor vehicle accidents in the past few months. Drivers are cautioned to close their windows as they approach the mobile Mexican fare unit to protect their olfactory cells and prevent delicious aromas from intoxicating their minds. “I was a-driving down the road […]
Customer Report: Pizza Less than Incredible
Breaking News Springfield, MO – Local curmudgeon Jeffery Owings has a bone to pick – with Incredible Pizza. “I went to this allegedly Incredible Pizza the other day. I had expectations, let me tell you. And guess what? They weren’t met, no sir. Not in the least. The pizza was far from incredible. It was, […]
AREA MAN DISCOVERS “CASHEW CHICKEN” IS JUST FRIED CHICKEN IN OYSTER GRAVY
Springfield, MO – “I’m just beside myself” declares area high school football coach Grant Llewellyn. “I grew up here in Springfield and I’ve always been led to believe that cashew chicken is a rare and incredibly exotic dish that one could only have prepared by highly trained and secretive master chefs of The Ozarks. This […]
Ozarkers Burn Cashew Chicken in Protest
Springfield, MO—Local Ozarkers are turning up the heat to pressure Rev. Terry Jones, the head of a small Florida church, who plans to burn copies of the Quran on Sept. 11th. Several southwest Missourians plan to protest Jones’ radical plan by incinerating something close to their hearts: Springfield-style cashew chicken. “I think if you sacrifice […]
Mannish Hula Dancer Lures Unsuspecting Customers
Springfield, MO—For 24 years, a local frozen treat wagon has employed a hauntingly mannish hula dancer, with enchanting dance moves and gyrations, to lure passing drivers to stop and purchase “whips” to nosh upon after the distracted drivers wreck their vehicles. According to lore, the dancing hula man-thing has distracted thousand of drivers to the […]
Staxx Owner Buys Jelly Beans, Red Hots, Peach O’s
Springfield, MO—According to sources, Meghan Chambers, owner of Staxx LLC downtown clothing store, has purchased several gummy confectioneries made of sugars, gelatin, corn syrup, and starch. On Tuesday, an employee at the Candy House on South Campbell Avenue confirmed that she saw Chambers picking through an assorted bin of Jelly Belly beans, meticulously picking out […]
Local Woman Finds John Q. Image In French Toast
Springfield, MO – Mrs. Ginger Rinkenbaugh received quite a surprise yesterday morning when the unmistakable image of John Q. Hammons appeared on her second slice of French toast. It was not a sign that she takes lightly in the least. “I had just told my husband, Mortimer, that I was at a loss as to […]
Bijan’s Closing = Heartache, End to Pronunciation Debate
Springfield, MO—A Facebook post, tweet, e-mail news release, sky writing, and drunk-text from 417 Magazine confirmed late today that local eatery Bijan’s is closed for good. Local eater of food Shantal Johnson told us, through tears of shock, “I never actually ate there, but my boyfriend and I loved arguing over whether it was “Bee-Janns” […]
Man Cheats Life with Disloyalty Card
Springfield, MO—Wednesday Tony Ugumba was provided with a “Disloyalty Card” at his local coffee shop; a card he used to excess. In a 6-hour period, Ugumba effectively destroyed his credit, marriage, and his friend’s trust, all in one afternoon. According to witnesses, Ugumba lied on a loan application to gain access to over $25,000 in […]
Tindle Mills Demolition Smells Familiar
Springfield, MO—A local dog food factory’s destruction is releasing a nasty fragrance not experienced since the operation was producing smelly dog food. Tindle Mills was known regionally for emitting a foul sulfur odor while in production, a smell now revived by the buildings’ demise. “Once we started tearing down that tower it released a gaseous […]
