All Entries in the "Featured" Category
Panhandling Parking Meters Installed Downtown
Springfield, MO – City officials have unveiled new talking parking meters to hustle donations for the general public in an attempt to curb aggressive panhandling. The hope is if a panhandler sees a citizen giving to the meter instead of to the panhandler requesting funds, the panhandler will leave, thus reducing the problem. Downtown and […]
Alien Rulers Developed by McKesson
Springfield, MO – The local division of McKesson has received high praise from the UFO Scientific Society for developing a ruler specifically calibrated to accurately measure alien corpses in standard measurement units. The latest example was on display last year when McKesson Alien Measurement tools were used to calculate the approximate size of a foreign […]
Springfield Symphony Names Joel McHale As New Conductor
Springfield, MO – After an intense search, and a months of auditioning conductors, the Springfield Symphony is excited to announce its new conductor/musical director Maestro Joel McHale. McHale (born November 20, 1971) is an American comedian, actor, writer, television producer, television personality, and voice artist. He is best known for hosting The Soup and for […]
State Park Debuts Pontoon Parasailing
Table Rock Lake, MO – Lake enthusiasts are now able to rent a pontoon boat and send daredevils into the sky via a parasail device connected to the back of the boat. State Park Marina began offering the combo package last weekend and interest in rentals has increased by 64%. “We see a lot of […]
Boils Advisory for Ozark, MO
Ozark, MO – A problem with the water has prompted a boils advisory for the City of Ozark. The City says the advisory affects residents who have skin, hair follicles or those who are prone to be near bacteria. According to the city’s website, the advisory is in place to slow the boils spread […]
Police Museum Opens “Conjugal” Visitation Hours to Public
Springfield, MO – The oldest city owned building will be opened to public conjugal visits this week, where a little bit of police history will be on display. “We call it a conjugal visit because the public is welcome to come in and touch whatever they want,” said curator Uma Rathbone. Now we have […]
PEZ Scandal Rocks Youth Baseball
Springfield, MO – Springfield-Greene Count y Park Board will seek to suspend about 20 youth baseball players connected to the area dispensary at the heart of an ongoing pfefferminz-enhancing drug scandal, including 7-year-old Jimmy Blithens and 9-year-old Rickie Newports, possibly within the next few weeks. If the suspensions are upheld, the pfefferminz-enhancing drug scandal would […]
Nation’s First Open Jug Law Enacted in Christian County
Ozark, MO – Caving to pressure from local lobbyist efforts, Christian County has agreed to allow open jugs without penalty starting June 3rd. Influential groups of Ozarkers have been calling for the leniency for years suggesting that native people were being denied their ancestral right to carry around a moonshine jug without fear of […]
Prancercising Man Trampled By Horse
Springfield, MO – A local man attempting to prancercise was run down and trampled by a horse. Witnesses said the horse was horrified that any human would employ “a springy, rhythmic way of moving forward, similar to a horse’s gait” for exercise and immediately bolted toward the man nostrils flared, head down. “I’ve never seen […]
Southwest Flight Disappears Over White Water’s Bermuda Triangle
Branson, MO – Branson Airport authorities, in conjunction with the FAA, have confirmed that Southwest Airlines flight 989 has disappeared near the 76 strip and has most likely fallen victim to the Bermuda Triangle ride situated on the White Water property. The flight was scheduled to land at 4:56 CST, however, the tower lost communication […]
Mike McMichaelson Inspirational Speaker
Happy Birthday Springfield… As we approach the 175 year mark of our Queen City, I thought I would take these next few moments to paint a picture of the Springfield I remember and put together my own version of the Springfield’s Best. So, let’s walk back through time shall we and reflect on some of […]
Neighbor Celebrates Memorial Day with Mini Yard Cemetery
Springfield, MO – Showing patriotism the way no one else could, Shirley and Bill Yankov planted hundreds of flags in their yard to celebrate Memorial Day. But it wasn’t enough, Shirley said, and they actually went about planting dead things in their yard next to the stars and stripes stuck in the lawn. “We first […]
Cashew Chicken 3D Printer Developed
Springfield, MO – The growing demand for cashew chicken has spawned a new invention; the 3D cashew chicken printer. The new technology will be responsible for feeding thousands of patrons in the Ozarks area at local restaurants and promises to be a source of value for diners at home. “I was always a fan of […]
