All Entries in the "Business" Category
McDonald’s Squawk Box Changes Voice
Nixa, MO—According to reports, a person with multiple personalities is working the drive thru at McDonald’s in Southwest Missouri. Leonard Hillary, a local customer, claims that every time he visits the McDonald’s located on HWY 14 near US 160 the person asking for his order uses two different voices. “I pulled up and this woman […]
Neighbor Chokes Man’s Chicken
Springfield, MO— Apparently it isn’t just City Council who is evenly divided over the decision allowing up to six chickens to be boarded in the city limits. Residents of the affluent Highland Springs Country Club gated community watched in horror late yesterday as two of their own residents, 34-year-old Reginald “Reggie” Waddlesworth, a prominent stay-at-home-dad, […]
Bistro Market ‘Bigger Than Jesus’
Springfield, MO—After years as downtown Springfield’s most recognized poster-board evangelist, Mathew Bolen has traded his post at the corner of South and Walnut for Wagyu beef, fresh ground almond butter, and organic chard. “Bistro Market is what I’d been praying for,” said Bolen. “When Wheeler’s moved out, I filled the hole in my heart with […]
Superman’s Fortress Appears Near Hammons’ Tower
Springfield, MO—Due to global warming, Superman’s Fortress of Solitude has begun to appear at the Commons Park at National Street and Trafficway. The spiky fortress peaks began to appear last week and city leaders are worried that the appearance will delay the development of the new park touted as the gateway to Jordan Valley. “I […]
Rates: CU Ups Yours
Springfield Mo.- Due to a proposed utility rate increase of up to 23% by October 2013, some residents of Springfield have threaten to disconnect services from City Utilities. “I have had it with all the rate hikes. I’m not paying CU another dime,” commented Joe Natureback a soon to be ex-CU customer. “I’m gonna dig […]
Springfield City Council Approves Calumet City Loan
Springfield MO- With some reservations about the plan, Springfield city council voted unanimously for a loan for the redevelopment plan for Calumet City, an abandoned Hot Dog Stand located in downtown Springfield behind the main post office. The developer, Ken McCow has already received a $3 million dollar loan from the Missouri Development Board as […]
Businessman Offers to Not Develop Heer’s Building for Fifty Dollars
Springfield, MO—Local maverick businessman, Sonny Pomade, showed up at Monday night’s Springfield City Council meeting and offered to not develop the controversial Heer’s Building for a mere fifty dollars. “I just felt it was my duty to take the burden of not moving forward with the renovation on my own shoulders,” Pomade commented, as he […]
Elk At Nature Center
Springfield Mo.- Officials from the Missouri Department of Conservation and the Springfield Visitors Bureau have announced that 200 elk will soon call the Springfield Nature Center home. “This is not only a good day for the elk, but a good day for the visitors to the Nature Center,” commented Jeanie Hugtree, Nature Center spokesperson. “With […]
Rountree Historical Homes Tour Adds Trailer Court Addresses
Springfield, MO – In what could only be seen as a munificent gesture to reach out to the other side of Division Street, Springfield’s lauded Rountree Historical Homes Tour is expanding its ability to evoke oohs and ahs this year by adding several addresses from the Quarry View Trailer Court on West Chestnut Expressway. “It’s […]
Public Helps City Identify Vacant Buildings
Springfield Mo.- City officials in the Building Services Department in Springfield Missouri say the public response to the call to locate and identify vacant buildings has caught them completely off guard. A recent editorial in a publication called the News- Leader urged the general public to call officials when they saw an abandoned building. “Our […]
Bus Driver Quits, Exits Via Bus Ramp
Springfield, MO—Career bus driver Lou Stitall was charged with criminal mischief, reckless endangerment, and trespassing after an argument with a passenger led to an apparent meltdown on Campbell Avenue. Authorities said Stitall dropped several f-bombs on the City Utilities bus’ loudspeaker, grabbed two smokes, then deployed the bus’ emergency ramp, and took off. According to […]
Local Businesses Fail At Basic Spelling Skills
Springfield, MO—Due to a report by the National Spelling Agency, NSA, Springfield area businesses do not have a basic mastery of spelling skills. Some examples of incorrect spelling include “Krispy Kreme’s Dounuts”, “Kum and Go”, “Medicine Shoppe”, and “Cheezies’ Pizza”. The NSA demands that the businesses correct the spelling, pay a fine, or be destroyed. […]
Dogs Benefit From New Hydrant Color
Springfield, MO—Neighborhood dogs are getting an upgrade that no one would have expected thanks to local firefighters efforts to make fire hydrants more visible. Teams are currently working to repaint all 7,000 hydrants with a brighter, more reflective paint, which will improve urinal locations for all canines. “I’m just so excited that the City is […]
Greene County Outsources Court Cases
Springfield MO—The overwhelming caseload for Greene County attorneys looks to be tamed by a much needed solution; starting August 15th, excess court cases will be outsourced to attorneys in India and Pakistan. Video teleconferencing in Greene County courtrooms will allow remote debating to conduct trails. Attorneys from foreign countries will be granted licenses to practice […]
iPager Development at Jordan Valley Innovation Center
Springfield, MO— The Jordan Valley Innovation Center (JVIC), a Missouri State University research center, has been tied to rumors of Apple’s newest project; development of the iPager. Rumors began swirling after the release of the iPad, and through a network of confidants, it is 99% accurate that the JVIC will have a hand in the […]
