All Entries in the "Business" Category
Jason Takes Own Life Of Jason
Jason Wert, author of the blog site “Life of Jason,” announced Sunday that he will take the life out of his weblog and will no longer continue recording his thoughts, learnings and information in an online digital format. “I never would have thought Jason would be associated with blogicide. At least his blog wasn’t found […]
Man Arrested Collecting Fuel for Time Traveling Auto
JOPLIN, Mo.—A 48-year-old man from Webb City was arrested on charges of stealing restaurant grease. Joplin police said they saw Emmett Lathrop Brown Ph.D on Wednesday morning checking grease tanks at several restaurants and pumping grease out of at least one into a tank on his converted DeLorean. Police Cpl. Chuck Niess said Brown was […]
Bass Pro Shops Unveils New Marketing Effort
Springfield, MO — Slashing marketing budgets is nothing new, especially in this economy, but in the face of such challenges Bass Pro Shops has decided to take a completely new approach to advertising. “We’ve done all sort of advertising over the years,” said Butch Gitcha, Director of Marketing for Bass Pros Shops, “print, TV, direct […]
Large, Inflatable Gorillas Hit Hard By Ozark Car Dealers Closing
Ozark, MO—The recession has found itself yet another victim. Due to car dealerships closing all over the Ozarks, large inflatable gorillas have found themselves out of work with no means of supporting their large inflatable families. “Mojo sad,” said Mojo, a large inflatable gorilla, after seeing his large inflatable pink slip. Mojo has a similar […]
Downtown Theater To Shoot Developer in Other Leg
Springfield—Six months after it opened, a legal storm is brewing over downtown Springfield‘s 14-screen movie theater. Hollywood Theaters Inc., which operates Hollywood Theaters College Station Stadium 14, is suing its landlord, alleging it’s owed nearly $900,000 by College Station LLC and is being overcharged for monthly rent and currently plans to shoot local developer Scott […]
Tourists Can’t Find ProBass on GPS Unit
Springfield—Two local tourists, Hank Bigrow and Jimmy Flagger, took a special trip from their hometown to visit the granddaddy of outdoor sporting worlds on Tuesday. Problem was they couldn’t find it on their global positioning system they relied upon. “I’d never been to the area so I wasn’t sure where Pro Bass was located,” said […]
Farmers Black Markets Corrupt Springfield Commerce
Springfield—Economic pressures continue to create new markets in the Ozarks for goods and services not easily acquired. Recently, crowds of shoppers are rumored to be attending farmers black markets popping up around the city. These dens of phantom trades promote sellers ready to move illegal goods. Amish who peddle copyrighted digital materials, local farmers with […]
GM merges with MGM to form MGMGM
Giants merge based on shared fondness of letters “G” and “M”. Springfield – General Motors Corporation said it completed its $540 million merger with Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer studios today and informed most employees that they have lost union representation but gained another “G” and two “M”s to their company name. Local GMC dealer Thompson Buick Pontiac GMC […]
Dickerson Park Will “Totally Get On Finding That Missing Panther “
In a press conference yesterday Dickerson Park Zoo official Charles Ranstad told local law enforcement officers and several members of the press that they will “Totally get on finding that missing panther,” the Zoo official then added “Geez. Get off our back.” The panther, a 250 pound killing machine, went missing last week and is […]
Kamikaze vehicles destroying remains of economy
One store at a time, vehicles avenge poor auto sales. Springfield—For the past three months, Springfield businesses have been singled out and attacked by merciless and meticulously planned automobile strikes. One local retail storefront per month has been crushed by high-speed attack. “Ramming storefronts is just wrong. I mean, we have complaint boxes for suggestions […]
Boater Acquires Essential Gear
Kimberling City – Billy Dougal prepared for the coming boating season by purchasing a new strap for his sunglasses, officially securing his shades to his neck. Originally acquired at Kum n’ Go store #224, Dougal justified his impulse purchase as a “little insurance policy” for the fashionable shades he purchased last summer Talking about the […]
Nixa’s Axis of X’s
Nixa, MO – Today Nixa Mayor Brian Hayes confirmed that Nixa was at the center of some paranormal axis of X’s. “For the last century we’ve been trying to ‘nix’ the rumors that surround our town,” said Hayes. X-awareness increased last week when City Council proposed renaming Christian County to X-ian County. Several community members […]
