All Entries in the "Business" Category
Original Spring Field Lost, Not Located
Springfield, MO—The spring that fed the field that Springfield was named after hasn’t been seen in several decades. In fact, most area town names now only have a vague symbolic relationship to the geographic area that once featured prominent landmarks. Springfield History Museum Executive Director said, “there’s no ‘spring’ or ‘field’ in Springfield much like […]
Rollergirl’s Splash N’ Bash Fundraiser Turns Violent, Which is Cool
Springfield, MO—This coming weekend Springfield Rollergirls will host the annual Splash N’ Bash event on Saturday Aug 15th at 7pm. The Splash N’ Bash is a fundraising event where local automobile drivers can donate money and have their car washed by real Rollergirls. Drivers can also donate money and have a Rollergirl beat them into […]
Massive Layoffs Exhaust Local Agency Execs
Springfield, MO—After a long day of layoffs, local advertising agency executives find that relaxing with a nice bottle of 1870 Blandy’s Verdelho Solera Madeira is the best way to relieve the stress of swinging the pink slip ax. “I had to cry for, like, all day,” said one executive. “Fortunately, this really expensive wine I’m […]
SPRINGFIELD CELEBRATES 5,000TH STOPLIGHT
The City of Springfield installed its’ 5,000th stoplight, which became operational yesterday morning. The new stoplight is located at the intersection of South Chambery Avenue and Michelle Place in southeast Springfield, in a quiet subdivision just north of East Battlefield Road. Springfield city leaders opted to celebrate the milestone by passing out gold-plated stoplights mounted […]
Sam’s Club Fans Camp Out Before Opening
Springfield, MO—Opening weekend for the latest “Sam’s Club” sequel has become the Ozarks’ biggest ever grocery box office smash by earning $79 million, a publicist for the grocery chain said today. Nearly two weeks before the opening of the membership-only retail warehouse clubs, campers armed with tents, couches and video games turned the pavement at […]
Kitty Littered Lawn Not City’s Problem
Springfield, MO—A nice summer’s day turned ugly for one homeowner after a city street sweeper flung a cat’s deceased body onto her lawn. Apparently, the City of Springfield refused to remove the road kill deposited upon the sod as the decomposing mass did not meet the selection criteria for removal by the street cleaning scout […]
Casualties Mounting at Local Sam’s Club
Springfield, MO- What many expect to be a pleasant Saturday morning shopping adventure at Springfield’s Sam’s Club has turned into a violent power struggle. As of July 16, 2009, over 20 people have been taken to area hospitals as a result of shopping car incidents at Sam’s Club. “I see them (Sam’s Club) lowering prices […]
Crowds Love Trashing I Love America
Springfield, MO—After the final sparkle, crews exploded onto the grounds of the area’s largest Fourth of July celebration. Volunteers worked for hours to clean up the mess left behind at the I Love America Festival. It took the crew of about a hundred 14 hours to finish the clean up at Springfield Underground. “I love […]
Hammons Tower Again Voted Springfield’s Tallest Building
The results of the annual “Best of 417” poll are in, and once again, residents have voted Hammons Tower the area’s tallest building. The 270-foot structure, which dwarfs the other greenhouses and barns nearby, won easily in its category. Tower namesake John Q. Hammons could not be reached for comment and is not expected to […]
Tabuchi’s Toilets Take the Urinal Cake
Branson, MO—It’s a contest to promote cleanliness in public restrooms, but the Shoji Tabuchi luxurious bathrooms feature amenities that would make Bacchus—Greek god of excess—blush. “The restrooms themselves are a showcase themselves,” said the theater’s Assistant Executive Assistant to the Executive Producer’s Assistant, John’da Leeky confusing herself. “Everytime I walk in there it’s (gasp) this […]
Branson Airport Sees Infinity Percent Growth over May 2008
After months of posting no gains in passenger numbers traffic hit an unexpected surge in May. Airport officials said Thursday that May passenger numbers were up “like a ka-jillion percent” compared to May 2008, marking the airport’s busiest month on record. The increase comes after several years of and flat figures. “The May numbers are […]
CID To Hire Pied Piper For Commercial Street Bums
Springfield, MO—A half-cent sales tax along Commercial Street is closer to becoming a reality after the City Council voted Monday. Money generated from the proposed tax would go toward building a web site that would market Commercial Street, with funds also used for additional police patrols, snow and trash removal, business recruitment and retention, transportation […]
Closed-Captioning in Ozarks Courtrooms
Springfield, MO—Aaron Sachs, Springfield, Missouri Injury Attorney, has expanded his exclusive sponsorship of closed-captioning services on local television stations (KOLR-10, Ozarks Fox and KY3) in the Springfield Missouri Area to all courtrooms as well. Approximately 1 in 12 people, or criminals, have some sort of difficulty hearing or understanding speech or other sounds. This difficulty […]
John Q. Hammons Changes Name To Unpronounceable Symbol
Springfield–In a move that’s destined to have major ramifications for area hotels, convention centers, baseball stadiums, basketball arenas, office buildings, medical facilities, thoroughfares, residence halls, architectural fountains, and statues, local business magnate John Q. Hammons has announced that he is changing his name to an unpronounceable symbol: ℑ. “I read about this kinda thing a […]
Wehrenberg Steeds Escape Out Back of Theater
Springfield—Eleven American Quarter horses escaped out of the back of Campbell 16 Cine Theaters Wednesday night. The horses, known as the Wehrenberg Steeds, have been enjoyed by generations for their pageantry as they deliver reels of film to the theater. The horses were apparently spooked when viewing Ghosts of Girlfriends Past, the newest film starring […]
