Author Archive for FairCityNews.com
Skateport King Loses Battle to MODOT, Rink to Close
Springfield, MO –Skateport King Barry Melvin released a statement announcing the closure of Skateport next year, a place that some consider a local landmark. The closure was deemed necessary by MODOT and is expected to ease congestion on south Glenstone with a new access road located at the site. Melvin appointed himself “King of Skateport” […]
Downtown to Host 5k for 5k Awareness
Springfield, MO – According to a recent poll, Springfieldians are less aware of the importance of 5k fundraising and will be enlightened by this 5k for 5k Awareness run. Event staff are accepting applications now and are continuing education around 5k benefits to runners and charity recipients. “We want to communicate to our community that […]
Jimm’s New Menu Features More Consonants!
Springfield, MO – Enthusiasts of Jimm’s Steakhouse & Pub will be excited to learn that a new menu will be unveiled early next year, one that contains additional letters to popular menu item descriptions. The updated menu will feature renamed favorites such as Escagott, Blackk & Bleu Saladd, and Grilledd Meatloaff. Mast Mood oil: It […]
Plane Crashing Into Meteor Landing on Meth House Creates Loud Booms
Springfield, MO – Thousands of citizens experienced a very rare noise last night as a military plane broke the sound barrier and immediately collided with a meteorite entering Earth’s atmosphere, then both landed atop a well-known meth house causing a secondary explosion. “I heard it at my pappy’s house down in Nixa, never thought I’d […]
KY3 Trades Jacob to KSPR for Draft Picks, Cash
Springfield, MO – KYTV has announced a trade to sister station KSPR this week involving on air talent Jerry Jacob and Joe Daues that includes first round draft picks and cash considerations. Terms of the deal have not been finalized but details have emerged exclusively for our readers. “Most people aren’t aware of the January […]
Giant Snowman Farting Snowflakes Over Ozarks
Springfield, MO – The National Weather Service has confirmed that a gigantic snowman stretching 2-miles high, has been responsible for the farting snowflakes over the Ozarks this week. The sputtering of snow began after the lumbering 10,560 foot ate some bad shrimp during its journey from North Texas to the East Coast. The NWS, tasked […]
Home Schoolers Get Snow Day Shaft
Springfield, MO – For the second school day in a row, home school students are stuck inside their classrooms not able to go outside and enjoy the snow while Springfield Public School scholars are free to make snowmen, sled and pound each other with snowballs. “Seriously, I gotta stay inside again and study while the […]
Customized Tank Shop Coming to Town!
Republic, MO – The city of Republic has announced that a $4.8 million manufacturing plant being built there should create 77 new jobs to construct awesome customized tanks. Sherlock Metal Masters, a company that designs and fabricates custom tanks with a variety of options including chop tops, show-stopping suicide-style, gull-wing or flip-up doors, custom grill, […]
Drone Prostitute Delivery Tested in Ozarks
Springfield, MO – Local pimp daddy Le Freak Mosho’ has announced that 3 months of drone delivery testing has proved successful and delivery of his ho’s might be available to the general public in as little as 14 months. The Federal Aviation Administration needs to sign off on the proposed flight plans, and Mosho’ says […]
Holiday Homeowners Infected with LED Poisoning
Springfield, MO – An annual family tradition of decorating several lawns with Christmas lights, animated displays and thousands of LED lights to celebrate the holidays and entertain carloads of spectators has been a much anticipated event, however, this year a grim reality prognosis has developed within the family known as a rare form of LED […]
Hunger Games Alt. Trialer Released!
Local sources have released a previously unseen version of Along with stress, depression and generic overnight viagra anxiety are other psychological issues that lead to this situation. For some, this is a very embarrassing situation and why not? Women will not be satisfied and it can put your life at risk if something isn’t 20mg […]
Oxygen on Tap at Heritage Cafeteria
Springfield, MO – Diners can now enjoy free tableside oxygen at Springfield’s landmark cafeteria along with food steeped in tradition. The additional service is provided as an incentive to bring in more customers in the ultra-competitive restaurant scene. “We cater to an older generation of customers who appreciate extra details to enhance their experience. The […]
