Springfield Panhandlers Go On Strike

Panhandler striking against work conditions

Springfield, MO- Blaming low pay, poor work conditions, and lack of benefits, local panhandlers are refusing to go to “work” starting on Thursdays. Panhandlers (who have been unionized since the late 80’s) Union Local 45 tells FCN unless conditions improve the homeless citizens will not be lifting a finger. A list of grievances given to City Hall and MoDOT are: more spare change, the occasional dollar, lawn chairs, and glitter to their signs some “pizzazz”.

“Panhandling is a fine profession dating back to the Medieval ages where  peasants would beg passing caravans for mead, bread, and turkey legs,”  says Gordan McCall a self-proclaimed panhandler-ologist and a class 8 panhandler. “We will not budge until I have a glitter-rrific sign that tells everyone  that I homeless and I want God to bless them.”

The panhandlers are planning many demonstrations to catch the public eye and gain the public support. Most are trading in their “Please Help” signs with “Please Help Us” signs. Others are having sit-ins where they sit on the side of off ramps and refuse to collect many.  Some threatening “scabs” by trying really hard to rip up their signs (they can’t do it though cardboard is tough). The most radical of them are simply getting a job.
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“That’s right I work at Wal-Mart now, the exact opposite of panhandling , says Benny Marksdale as he shelves milk. “Those yuppies better give in our demands soon because if they aren’t careful I will get all my panhandler friends jobs here. Then those yuppies better not be crying to us when they are drowning in spare change and starving for awkward eye contact.”

But, many panhandlers are hesitant to go to that extreme measures especially since protesting is a lot like panhandler only you stand with more purpose,  with groups, and hold different signs.

City Hall has released the statement: “Really? Ok. Yeah. We will get right on those negotiations.”