Bucktoothed, Barefoot Baby Born in Ozarks Somehow Surprises

Ozarks doctor surprised at birth

Branson, MO – Doctors were seemingly surprised by a recent birth when the child appeared with a head-start on life in the Ozarks: barefoot and bucktoothed. The chances of a child representing over 80 percent of the population are one in 3,000 according to the US National Library of Medicine.

“When we saw the baby arrive, we thought she was really advanced for her age. Usually it takes decades for the populace in this area to abandon their shoes and dental hygiene to adhere to the national stereotype of Ozarks hillbillies,” said obstetrician Lars Fillany, “I really thought someone had slipped a Billy-Bob binky into her mouth as a joke.”
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Researchers attribute the unique birth to natural selection and anticipate occurrences as time progresses. “Just as we see more babies born with wine palates in California and clutching pistols in Western Kansas, we should see more babies born with buckteeth and barefoot here in the Ozarks,” said Emily Burgess of the National Institute of Pre-Natal Studies.

Rumors are circulating in Branson entertainment circles about a new theatre that will feature the baby singing country hits from the early 90’s.