Crossfit…

Well, I have been gone for a while but I’m back.  I have been training for the upcoming summer season.  Its that time of year in which you have to get ready for the lake or pool and you want to appear fit.  There are a number of ways to do so as we are a nation very concerned about our outward appearance.  They have pills, diets and even things you wrap around your “fat parts” to mask people seeing you for the gluten you really are.  But, none of these things compares to the Crossfit experience.  I have been going for a few months now and, I must say, it is a whole new world.  They have their own workouts to include very strange physical movements.  They have their own clothes and their own language.  Some of these people are so incredibly fit that they don’t even look real.   It is a subculture like no other…a sort of fitness fantasyland of muscular people who wear freaky tight clothes if anything at all.   They appear to be breeding locally and, honestly, may take over the world.  You cannot defend yourself against them, as they are too strong.  My recommendation is to join them!  It will take some time to be accepted though.  I consider myself a charmer and pulled out all the old tricks…secret handshakes, nicknames, wearing the gear, buying the merchandise, etc.  However, until I did my first “kipping” pull up, nobody would even acknowledge my existence.  Understanding their language is very important and the first step towards approval.  That is why; I have recently started a sort of Crossfit Dictionary to make it easier for those of you considering the new lifestyle…

Crossfit Dictionary:

WOD-Workout of the day

EMOM-Every minute on the minute

AMRAP-As many rounds as possible

Flexies-Selfie photos with your shirt off flexing to the point of dizziness
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Smash-Crazy violent sex that people have because they are so jacked and horny

This is just a start, but I think knowing some of the terminology will be helpful to those wanting to join.  Look, if you like loud music, half-dressed attractive people and working out until you literally sweat out of your eyeballs, then Crossfit is for you.  Honestly, I started a few weeks ago and I’m in the best shape of my life.  Now, I left my wife and lost everything along the way but hey, I guess that’s just part of it.  Oh wait, that was somebody else…whew, thank goodness.

Keep em’ comin’ and watch em’ go.

Mr. Mike McMichaelson