Scooters…

Well…spring is approaching and you know what that means, people on scooters.  While I am not an overly violent man, seeing a person on a scooter makes me very, very angry.  Hearing the buzz from those ridiculously little engines triggers a fight or flight mechanism in me unlike anything I have ever experienced.  These little clown wagons chug along at 35 mph and their goofy drivers appear not to have a care in the world.  Every year, these overgrown Hover Rounds terrorize more and more people.  Could they not afford a motorcycle?  Were they misinformed regarding the “cool” factor or the lack thereof?  I would not climb on one of these miniature motor bikes even if Ponch from Chips promised me I could ride along with him and John for the afternoon…man that guy’s teeth are white.  Seriously though, even if it got 200 mpg, and it is not like I don’t want to save money on gas; I just simply believe that a man on a scooter is asking for trouble.  Call me crazy, but I think it may be a sign of weakness.  It is unclear the reason for this new found love of the go cart on two wheels in recent years.  Back in the day, we used to call them Mopeds and generally speaking, people used them for fun.  Now, however, the sickening reality is that they are a means of transportation for many adults.  We have a couple of options as we try to motivate our troubled scooter-riding friends to find another form of passage from one point to another.

Call them names!

Honk and give them the bird symbolizing our disgust for their taste in motor vehicles.

Track them down one by one, pull them from their scooters and kick their misguided, little asses.

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I will let you decide.  Remember, D or “All of the above” is right like 70% of the time…or at least that is what I was told in college.

Keep em’ comin’ and watch em’ go…

Mr. Mike McMichaelson