Get Your Seat Here!

Here take this one...

City Hall announced today the criteria for the city council seat that has come open due to the latest resignation.   The mayor’s office announced today that the criteria is pretty simple, “We want someone with the common sense of Todd Akin and the lovability of Tom Trtan.  We offered the job to Trtan, but he’s perfectly happy with tv gig.”

The job description reads as follows:

As the Legislative body of the City, the City Council serves as the barrier between the citizens of Springfield and their municipal government. Through the filing of legislation, the enactment of orders, ordinances, and resolutions, the Council actively represents the diverse interests of its members while ensuring the inefficient and costly delivery of services. The Council fulfills its obligations as the ruling body by analyzing potential ordinances and passing the ones they see fit to amend later, while saving themselves from meaningful discussion among the community.  Members of council are expected to dislike marijuana, illegal immigrants, smoking, and the will of the voters.  Council members are expected to have lack of common sense, and plenty of sand to keep their heads buried in.

The Mayor’s office stated, “We definitely have some goals in mind, and we really hope we can find some shill who will see things our way, and we’re going to try everything possible to keep the public from having a vote on this seat.  We have  prepared an offer to Mr. Akin, as we think he would be a good fit for Springfield.  He has no understanding of anything, so we can get things past him.”  Akin’s office said they’d respond to the offer on Wednesday morning after his concession speech.