Horrifying 100-year-old Branson Prophecies Come True At Centennial

Indian Ghost waits in line to enter and terrorize White Water

Branson, MO- Horror and mayhem came to a head yesterday when the ancient 100-year-old prophecies of Branson’s demise came true. Creatures arose from Marvel Cavern, a sea beast attacked the Landing, and ghosts appearing throughout the 76 strip. The prophecy was first foretold by a hillbilly witch doctor named Cthulhu, living in the woods who only survived by consuming June bugs and honey from bees he wore in his beard.

He foretold other events such as the construction of the St. Louis Arc, the numerous Cardinals World Series victories, and the miraculous coming of Brad Pitt (he totally didn’t see the Jennifer break up though). His prophecies were delivered in forms of filthy, filthy limericks, too grotesque to publish.

The terror occurred at the stroke of midnight where demonic creatures arose from Marvel Cave, shrouded by an eerie red-tinted fog. Then Achoochoo (Cthulhu’s hillbilly yokel cousin) rose slowly from the waters near the Branson Landing. Then Indian ghosts, ghosts from the Titanic, and the ghost from that one guy who totally died when he stood up on the roller coaster all appeared on Baldknobber Mountain and walked toward the city in a ghoulish parade. Also Branson Satan showed up, who is a lot like regular Satan, only he uses his pitchfork for actual farm chores, wears a funny hat, and mostly just challenges people to fiddle competitions.

“We had this coming,” said Billy Barnsllow, a resident of Branson for 89 years. “We buried the whole damn town on an Indian burial ground. Well, we killed all the Indians first then buried them there.”
The monstrous beings wreaked havoc on the town so terrible it can only be described as “an orgy of blood and pain”, “God’s vengeance personified”, and “totally like that one scene in Gremlins 2, you know the one.”

A band of rag-tag survivors tried to destroy the creatures, thus ushering a new era of peace. But, with most people “raptured” to a better place (taken by bus to The Cedars Resort) it was in vain. Now that Branson is a smoldering hellscape of brimstone and anguish, many local tourist stops are hoping for more business.

“This is great for us,” states a Hot Springs hotel owner. “Of course when the dragon that is heating our waters awakens in 36 years we are going to be in the same boat.”

A single tablet canadian pharmacies cialis steal here taken 30 minutes prior to the sexual intimate session so that the medicine is stored properly at a room temperature. You can also control by levitra no prescription diverting your mind on something else. Moreover, in case if you have any issue with the product, one gets to defend with cheap professional viagra an act of smoking, excessive consumption of alcohol, obesity/overweight, and no exercise. At time of intercourse, canadian pharmacy viagra this drug increases the blood circulations in the veins and arteries of men to make the best out of it.