Celebration – Missouri is the Number 1 State! (in meth busts)

Number one in hearts, minds and meth mouths

Springfield, MO – It is our privilege to announce that the state of Missouri is first among the Union. Yes, the Show Me state is now the number one state in the continental and non-continental states to lead the nation! It doesn’t really matter what we’re doing to lead the pack, we should revel in the fact that we are numero uno.

State spokesman Yanley Homerton said, “Yes, it is true, Missouri is leading the nation in one area, and that area is one place that no other state can touch, we are leading the nation in,” before he was cut off by a political spinster Kyle Preston. Preston interjected, “Missouri is a unique territory with a long and storied past. The traditions and economic model are symbolic of the resolve of its people. Every Missourian should be proud to be number one in the nation, and number one in our hearts.”

When asked to specify exactly what he was referring to, Preston said, “you know, being number one”.  According to surveys among other states, no sense of jealousy or remorse is being reported. The state of Ohio has responded by saying, “I’m glad I’m not leading the nation in busts of…” Preston interrupted by saying “Whoaa, there Ohio. You’re not leading the nation in anything but buckeye production. You can take that to the buckeye plant….or tree,” effectively spinning a potentially negative into a positive.

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