Hipster Refuses to Remove Beanie, Suffers Heat Stroke

Hipster suffering heat stroke

Springfield, MO – A local resident suffered from a heat stroke yesterday because he was too warmly dressed while walking through downtown Springfield in the humid, 99-degree weather. Jacoby Trapper, a known hipster, reportedly “refused to take off his slouch beanie” despite the heat because he “wasn’t some mainstream sell-out.”

“He should have at least taken off the flannel or the scarf,” said friend Lacey Jameson, “but that beanie, covering the top-back 40 percent of his head, really did him in.”

Jameson and the other witnesses with Trapper reported that he started sweating profusely, he complained of a headache, his vanity glasses fogged up, and then he started to suffer from muscle spasms. They thought that he was just dancing ironically, but really he was having a heat stroke.

A heat stroke or heat exhaustion may occur when sweating cannot dissipate the heat generated within a person’s body during hard work, when in a hot environment, or when foolishly wearing layers and layers of clothing. Dehydration will also occur if the person doesn’t replace the water lost by sweating.

“I’ve never seen a person sweat so much,” remarked Jameson. “His TOMS must smell terrible.”

When Trapper’s friends realized something was wrong, they rushed him to St. Johns, where he is making a full recovery. “He’s gotten a lot better—he’s even been smoking again, which is a good sign I think,” said his doctor.

Trapper said he now plans to raise awareness about the dangers of heat strokes by creating a Tumblr photo blog, which will feature pictures of sweaty hipsters and their sweatier mustaches.

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