Major Nic Fit Hits Springfield

Man pulls hair out due to nic fit

Springfield, MO—One day after the no smoking ban was in place the Queen City has exhibited a major case of a nicotine fit. According to Lewis Shamburg, “everybody at Trolley’s was seriously pitchin’ a fit. Totally jonesing for a smoke. Freakin’ out!”

Most nightlifters in the downtown district were totally unhinged during the first night of the non-smoking ban. The ban, restricts smoking in public places including restaurants, bars and public buildings.

“After seeing my friends experience their nicotine withdrawal, I can’t really fathom going into work tomorrow and being in the same work space with the smokers in our company. They are going to pissed off at everything,” said Laurie Umbada, who works at a Lebanese coffee shop.

The entire smoking population inside the city limits will be completely quitterpated, exhibiting disharmony, crankiness, snackiness and other withdrawal symptoms associated with quitting smoking.

Julie Hewleson said, “I was meeting my grandma downtown for lunch, when I met her she said ‘Back off bitch, I’m gonna find a quite place to bullywoof my smoke in peace.’ I was so entertained.”

Most smokers who were too weak to deal with the new law didn’t even appreciate the clean air they were enjoying.

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